Cooking by the Book

"Eheheh...I mostly just went out to eat. That was it for the most part, or get away from the mansion."

He did know of the dangers of going out at that age, especially without a proper escort but he couldn't help himself considering his situation. Even if he got in trouble for it afterwards it was still worth it in his book.

"Well if I can get a hold of them I'll give them a read." He replied, a small smile on his face. When she asked on why he had to sneak around and to sneak around to cook though, he wanted to answer her but...it wasn't exactly the nicest subject...and after everything that had happened news of his...past predicament was known by a few of Seireitei's shinigami, mostly the captains, but some shinigami that had been around long enough knew as well. "I can...answer that if you want, but hmm as for my question let's see....What do you like most about the World of the Living the most so far? Aside from your fullbringer that is." He said with a lighthearted chuckle.

"Still that was...dangerous. Food is a good way to capture kids, spiritually aware kids go for quite a bit and are worth their weight in gold when properly trained. Hunger is a much better training tool than pain. Pain just create fear, hunger creates a deep need and ties them to you through that bond." Aoi spoke like she was speaking by rote, her tone oddly cold and her face as if from another Aoi, who was like ice.

Her face changed though at the though of Rin's books. It brightened and she giggled as if she hadn't just spoken like that. "I have then! He lent them to me... They are rather good. Oh? I'd like to know Amai-kun. I am cuuurious."

Blushing a bit at the notion of 'her fullbringer', Aoi thought about it. "I think...I like the odd mishmash of all the people. Its so lively and everyone wears something different. My first few days I was dazzle by the colors and people."

He was a bit...surprised by her sudden change in attitude when it came to that particular subject. He'd been careful but he couldn't exactly...argue with Aoi when she was right. His...desire to get out from the mansion had just been too great, even during his academy years he'd just had this need to stay away for a bit.

"There are a lot of people, the style there is certainly different so there's always a mesh of colors. I can see why you'd enjoy it."

He'd answered her response to his question first, as answering to that was much simpler than answering her current curiosity.

Letting out a breath Masaru glanced up at the ceiling.

"Research it enough and it'd probably be a simple matter to find out about me, but I suppose it'd be much better for you to hear it from me than to just read up on it somewhere or hear it from someone else. I can't exactly answer your question without explaining a little first, so I hope you don't mind."

"When my mother died from illness, my father...became rather distant, he'd always been a kind man and I'd wanted to be just like him. After she died though, after he got over his...distance in a sense, that kindness went from genuine to just an act when outside the mansion." His hand went up unconsciously to his mostly exposed chest to where his scar was, where his finger lightly across it. "Considering I was meant to take over as head of the clan and as captain of the division one day it was easy to say I got my bruises and all from rough training, it hurt to lie but...it would hurt even more to bring shame to my father, so I kept the lie going. I was often kept from meals, so I took to cooking for myself in private...which answers your question for the most part, whenever I'd sneak out it was mostly due to me just wanting to get away or to eat whenever I couldn't cook...so despite the risks involved I still made it a habit to sneak out every now and then."

"Even though I've answered, just know I don't hold any resentment towards my father; in fact I just wanted to help him. I wasn't able to though, and I suppose sometimes people just can't be saved but I still felt guilt for failing and instead taking his life just to save my own..."

After a moment of silence he realized he'd probably...dampened the otherwise brighter atmosphere they'd had so he gave a small chuckle before offering an apologetic smile, "Sorry, I didn't mean to get all deep on you..."

Aoi slid off the counter as Masa ended his story. He seemed so happy, and yet even he had such things in the deepest pits of of his memory and history. Her normally cheerful eyes were like ice and she moved in, probably way too close to Masaru than he would like. Her hand traced the scar on his chest, the main reason she felt safe wearing dresses in this squad. He wouldn't question her scars on her legs and neck and back. None were huge glaring things like this, most looked like they had been applied so long ago they were healing into hair thin ones. The worst one was in the middle of her back. There were a few on her neck, barely on her chest.

"So this was caused by someone you love... Your own father..." She placed her hand fully on the scar instead of just tracing it with her fingers, and looked up at Masaru. There was something... odd in her eyes. "You are an orphan too. Unwanted... We match, Masaru. I didn't know..."

"I suppose so..." He didn't mind her touching his scar, he didn't care of others saw, he kept it showing on purpose...as both a sign of his failure to save Mamoru and as a sign he'd survived and kept on going even after what he'd been through and done.

Due to what he'd done, he'd had to take on both positions of family head and captain earlier than expected, but he'd asked for it himself, he wanted to take on the burden even if it had meant he'd have to work even harder than he already had been. In a sense...perhaps he'd seen it as a form of punishment, though in the end he still felt it hadn't been enough.

"It's fine that you didn't know, not many due other than some of the captains and perhaps a few veteran shinigami. It couldn't be hidden from everyone despite attempts to cover it up."

"A noble and captain dying by his son's hand? If the rumor mill didn't fly off the hinges and make things up other than that... I don't pay attention to them, and I wasn't around at that time... They've had things in there about me I don't want to hear." Her eyes still held that odd look, almost longing as she stared at Masaru's scar. Her voice was much more solemn than usual.

She leaned her forehead against his chest, he was quite a bit taller than her, and wrapped her arms around Masaru. "Its okay. You can let things go. People told me that... it doesn't help. But maybe for you it will? Its okay. Its okay what you did. Its okay you are still alive. Its okay."

[OOC: いいよ . . .]

There were always rumors, most of them never good. He tended to ignore them as well, and whenever he did catch wind of them he'd ignore those too. It wasn't good to just believe anything you hear like that.

"I'm living with it, and despite hating what I did, hating my decisions...I'm better off now. I can cook whenever I want, eat when I'm supposed to...no more bruises, no more sleeping in the equivalent of a closet..." He gave another small chuckle, but his heart wasn't as in it as it usually was. "It's okay now though, you're right. It's okay. I'm better off now."

"You shouldn't laugh when you don't want to. You shouldn't smile when your heart is dark. Stop trying to make me feel better and worry about yourself. You are too unselfish, you'll break if you keep it up." Aoi's voice was cold, almost like ice as she continued to hug Masaru. It seemed more like she needed the support from it than anything.

"He's so pure...and warm. I can't help it. It makes me warm. But there are things I shouldn't tell him...but he makes me want to. Makes me want him to know I am awful so he'll make me feel better. He's a silly human who just always tries to. He'll break trying to fix over a century of pain."

This Aoi seemed utterly different than normal Aoi. Almost like other Aoi was the icing on the cake, a sweet buttercream, whereas the inside was not something entirely sweet. More a spiced cake when you were expected fluffy white. "You are like him. You'll break too trying to fix something you can't, but instead inside of yourself, with words that mean nothing to you."

Masaru was quiet as Aoi spoke, that cold tone returning as she did so. It wasn't long before she began talking about that human, voicing her concerns to him about the man...

He wasn't exactly what to say, whether or not he could help in some way...some things just took time to fix, some things weren't fixable at all. Sometimes it was just all a matter of accepting and moving on. Was that the right thing to say in this situation though?

"In the end...some things aren't fixable, you're right...and sometimes all the comfort in the world might not be enough but still...even though it's hard it's a matter of accepting your past. Never forget but don't forget to move ahead...If bad things happened in the past, try to make up for it with the good today even if it's hard."

"Sorry, I know my words probably aren't the most...comforting things and they're likely just obvious answers or things you've already heard and I apologize for that. Perhaps you think he's in over his head with this whole thing, but maybe...despite what you tell him, he's working on accepting it as well. He accepts because he wants to, even if it's hard because he cares about you. Even if it's centuries worth of pain, it doesn't matter...if you're hurting he'll do all he can to make you feel better. I'd like to help too, as you're a good friend of mine...I might not give the best advice or say the right things but I can try."

"There you are, still trying to make me feel better. You are the one still hurting. You are the one who is still upset." Aoi's face looked up her blue eyes a much darker hue than Masaru's, seemingly darker than they usually were as well.

"...I'd rather he tell me its hard then. I'd rather he...show me what he feels about it. Just pretending its all okay isn't good... even if he thinks it helps me. It makes me feel like that it could all be a dream or fake or that everything is going to be perfectly good now. Or that I have to be perfectly good to make up for those bad things. I want to be free to still make mistakes."

"I'd like to know that even if it is awful, they'll try. I can't accept someone accepting others so easily! Its not possible... its not human... its almost divine and thats scary. You are too much like him... calm and gentle... you both are too wonderful." Aoi pulled back from her captain, holding her arms around herself. "Too pure and untainted. Even with what you've done... you still can be like that... Make sure the one who didn't confess her sad past is the one feeling better. Make sure she's better."

"What if, deep down where I try to hide it...what if I miss the killing? The bloodshed? The thrill of taking something? Of using someone, using my body to trick them... Would even that be okay? And accepted?"

He let out a small breath, "Make mistakes, no one's perfect Aoi. There's no way a person can go on without making them. I make them, other captains make them, humans make them, hollows make them...If his kindness makes you believe it's all a dream, have him pinch your or pinch him just to show yourself it's not...Ah...Sorry, that's probably in bad taste."

"There are people who naturally put others above themselves, I'm one of them. There's nothing I can do to change that." Masaru answered, "then again, it's not something I want to change. I've known for a long time now I can't be fixed -- so I naturally put my worries second when I see friends down or upset...I don't know about this human but perhaps it's something similar?"

He listened to her, listened to her talk about how she might miss what she used to do, miss the feeling doing those things brought to her...

Giving a sigh he moved one of his hands, now that they had been cleaned and weren't dirty like before, to her head to lightly pet it and hope he wasn't breaching some line by doing so. "I can't exactly answer that. If you miss it then that's that...whether or not it would be okay or accepted is something I can't answer. It's an area where morals may clash but some wouldn't necessarily find it wrong."

He wasn't hypocritical enough to say taking a life is wrong, it's what they did for a living...and some felt joy from doing so, others felt excitement, felt regret,  felt sadness, or felt guilt.

"I will not pinch him... That would hurt!" Aoi's face was still rather solemn but she looked at Masaru like he was some sort of odd new breed of bird. He was really different and odd... and completely adorable. Aoi shook her head, shaking a bit of the mood away with it. A ridiculous silly Captain, a ridiculous silly human, a ridiculous silly Lieutenant... she seemed destined to be drawn to ones like this. "I bet it is with him too. Which is frustrating... but rather admirable."

Morals were morals... and maybe her captain was right. Did she have to not enjoy it? She preferred those who had deserved it, or hollows where she could excuse it... So maybe her pride in this wasn't misplaced. Even if it didn't force her to feel that it was entirely good or bad, it did add a bit more to her thoughts when she did worry. "I'll just take what I can then, and hope its enough. At least I'm not alone in it right? You said you'd be my friend... I'll hold you to this. I don't have many promises that aren't broken, but I want to learn how to. So... don't."

Masaru gave a small laugh at her response to the pinching thing, "I suppose so...and when trying to wake up from a dream one would normally pinch themselves so I guess pinching the other person isn't necessary."

She seemed to be calming down now, which was good. He was glad she was beginning to relax again and not let the bad weigh on her mind so much at the moment.

"I promise, and I always keep my promises so you don't have to worry about that." Masaru smiled, "you're not alone."

"Well yes! I am...not going to hurt him." Aoi's face was a bit flustered, but not from embarrassment. She wondered what kind of person her captain had thought to think she'd hurt Rin. Such an odd man! Why in the world... Just as she thought of it more, the most confused she got.

She meant it in a different way! Not... Well at least he'd keep his promise. She could trust him to? Maybe not but it felt good either way to try. Being alone was awful...

"I miss him but its only been a couple days... Why did I remind myself? Amai-kun you are mean for that."

Masaru couldn't help but chuckle again, he found it sweet how she missed the human even though it hadn't been that long since they'd last seen each other. "You'll have the chance to see him again soon, I'm sure."

They were in charge of spiritual affairs in the world of the living after all and they all had missions to do that brought them there frequently. So he had no doubts Aoi would likely come across another mission soon.

"Probably, but I need to do a good job first! I want to make sure I don't get too distracted." Aoi turned bright red, finally and fully back to her general demeanor. "He's really distracting..."

A ding went off and Aoi jumped, forgetting they were cooking. Now she realized she smelled something chocolately and wonderful. "Its done Amai-kun! We can take it out!"

Masaru gave a smile as the oven timer went off, "Mhmm, soon we can decorate it."

Saying that, Masaru took an oven mitt to remove the now baked cake from the oven safely. The smell was as good as he hoped it'd be. It'd been fun, preparing and baking it just liked he'd hoped as well.

"Smells good, doesn't it?"

"It doooes. I want to eat it now. But we must wait till it cools to frost, right?" Aoi looked over at the book, reading a few paragraphs down. It gave a frosting recipe and basic tips in there and she read it and hmed to herself while nodding.

"Why must I always wait for everything." She sighed and stared at the cake after finishing her quick reading.

"Still, it'll be worth the wait. You can use the wait to think of a design to decorate it with."

They'd be waiting a little while, but perhaps they could use that time to talk more? Perhaps talk about...less serious topics to not dampen the atmosphere again?

"Did you have a chance to visit any of the bakeries in the world of the living? I've been a few that were quite nice last time I went."

"Zebra stripes." Aoi was solemn and nodded at Masaru with the utmost serious expression on her face. "And skulls."

"Oh! Rin took me to one, it had coffee and this yummy thing called a frapachinio? No. Frappey? No... Frappe...? I guess I could call it that. He bought me a whole box of snacks! I ate them. Erm sorry I was talking about him again. I'm sorrry. What's your favorite treat then?"

He'd never seen that combination of design before, but wasn't opposed to it. He had said Aoi could decorate it how she liked.

Masaru gave a laugh, "It's fine, I don't mind. If you want to talk about them that's alright. Hmm, favorite treat? Let's see...I'm not opposed to pumpkin scones...cheesecake brownies are also nice as well...probably those two things rank high on my list."

"W-well it must be annoying. The rambling... About someone you don't even know and stuff." Aoi shifted on her feet and ruffling her hair. Still the talk of food always perked the young looking woman up and she latched onto the topic.

"P-Pumpkin scones...? Cheesecake brownies? Aaahhahahah..." Her mouth watered as she thought about those confections. She had heard of such foods, in her many readings of the cook books... but to think they really were possible to make?!

"It's fine, I don't find it annoying at all." Masaru smiled.

She seemed in awe at the thought of the sweets he'd mentioned favoring, he couldn't blame her though, they were very delicious. "They're very good, whenever I have the chance and I'm in the World of the Living I make sure to get some...though I've made them myself before too..."

Either way, whether he made them or not, they usually always ended up being just as good as the last time he'd had them. "If I make any anytime soon I'll be sure to share some."

"R-Really?" Aoi was nervous, but...he really was the only one she could talk to about Rin and not have to hide things from, other than the ever busy Hideki. It felt good to unburden herself but... it felt wrong to bother the possibly lonely captain with her chatter about her lover. She didn't know if she could call him her boyfriend, it felt odd. And young.

Still, food would distract her. Especially sweets. "Oooh I will be waiting. Really. Waiting for them." Her face was puppy like as she stared up at Masaru. Aoi really wanted to try them, so she had to make sure he remembered. If utter heartbreaking cute did not remind him, nothing would.

"Mhmm, it's fine."

Masaru couldn't help but give a small chuckle at Aoi's puppy-like expression, "I'll be sure to make some soon then, especially now that I'm thinking about it...perhaps I'll make those next time."

He had the ingredients at home and had fun making them so perhaps when he had the chance he could use the kitchen and make some. It seemed like a fun idea, he'd be sure to remember.