*Sad Bubbles*

Saraiyu, the Queen of the Espada and Corona, wandered out of her sleeping area less than fully dressed and drowsy from her sleep. Night's sleep? Day's sleep? Whatever time it was for sleeping, she had done it.

Moving towards her bath, the surefire thing to wake her up, she sent a message to the thralls to bring out her wake up items such as brushes and combs and all sorts of things to help with the mess that was her hair.

Someone was already in the baths though, Sarai's bleary eyes could make out a dark haired form and she wondered what Luca was doing... The Corona made her way over to the arrancar while stifling yawns.

Luca was sunken in the baths, most of his body under the warm waters. His mind was off, elsewhere as he attempted to relax in the baths, but even the nice feeling of the water wasn't truly enough to distract him.

For the past ten minutes he'd been absentmindedly blowing bubbles under the water with his mouth, and even they seemed quite...unhappy. He hadn't even noticed Saraiyu enter the area yet, too focused on not thinking to take notice yet.

Those were some mighty mopey bubbles. Sarai stopped short, shocked to see the stoic and calm Luca just...moping? Sad? Upset?

How?!

Just the saddest bubbles... Shaking her head, she stepped into the bath and sat down next to him, turning to look at her Septimo. "Pebble for your thoughts?"

The thralls set her required items nearby, she could usually get Luca to help her with her hair so... they weren't entirely needed...potentially, this time was much different than usual.

The bubbles stopped the moment he was addressed; that he heard, and he glanced over to see Saraiyu sitting beside him. Pebble for his thoughts...?

Meaning...she was asking what was on his mind...

Had he seemed that distracted...? There was much for him to think about, perhaps he had shut down without realizing...

"Despite not having a choice in what I became...and being what I am...this makes me a monster?" He questioned; hollows were...meaning...all of them were...no matter how good willed some managed to be, no matter how many seemed more human and shined brighter than the ones that simply hungered...they were still monsters...

Saraiyu was...immensely startled. Supremely startled. Of all Espada to have an existential crisis, Luca and Xavos were numbers one and two on the list of espada she would not have guessed ever. "In a minute you'll have to explain to me whats caused this but... for the moment..."

A thoughtful look came over her and she gave a slow nod. "Well, yes but its a bit more complicated than that. I guess I mean, we have...monstrous cores. We are corrupted souls who...frankly most of us had to kill and devour others to get to this humanlike point now. You did too."

She poked his head lightly and then...promptly refuted her previous words. "But I think Arrancar like you aren't monsters. Not anymore at least. Sometimes you don't have choices Luca, sometimes you are forced into molds you don't want due to other's choices. When you have a choice again is what determines who and what you are."

Luca had settled his eyes back on the water while he'd been speaking, only to shift back after he'd felt the poke at his head.

He...had, he'd had to fight to get where he was now, devour the weaker in order to gain his life now...but...

...He'd secluded himself not long after, the fighting had become...unpleasant and boring to him despite everything.

Sometimes others weren't given a choice, and forced into molds...as Saraiyu had stated...

It was a feeling he felt familar with, or well...it felt...normal, while unpleasant...it felt normal...

He was...independent for the most part now, but he still did things he was meant to do...choosing to seclude himself rather than go out and do things...

He went out sometimes, obviously, but not as often as many probably did...

True independence...he didn't...understand it.

He remained quiet even after Saraiyu had finished speaking, his eyes returning to the water as a drop fell from his hair back into the baths.

He was a monster, yet he was not...? He was not a monster anymore, but he had a monstrous core.

So many turbulent thoughts filled this poor man's head, his eyes shifting between her and the water. He barely moved one inch... It was so weird to see him like this and she felt for the man.

Sarai gave a deep sigh before reaching over and tugging the arrancar to her. Holding him in a soft hug, the Corona did as she rarely ever did but had to lately, and acted as mother or comfort to another. Her hand petted his head softly and she spoke more.

"We can't ever be like other races and that is something we all must accept. I'm a monster even now, but I be that way so ones like you can choose to be as kind and as human as you like. But we are what we are. Unlike other races, we have these urges and things we must always fight against no matter what. We are hollows, its our fate.

I would say that makes someone like you much less of a monster than a human though. You have fate itself stacked against you and you still chose not to be a monster. Its much...much harder to do than say a human who fights those urges."

"Now what brought this on, Luca?" Sarai refused to let go of him, he needed comfort and it was Luca, he wouldn't be bothered by either of their undressed state.

Hollows, that was what they were, and there was nothing to be done about it. It was their fate, as Saraiyu had stated.

What had brought this on...

"I encountered a human some time ago...a...friendship of sorts had formed, but...she had...and still has no idea of what I am; I'm well aware of how hollows are viewed among the spiritually aware...so I claimed to a be a fullbringer when I felt I was put into a corner...

As expected, she claimed hollows were to be monsters when she was curious about not sensing such a taint on me, hidden due to my gigai...

I was fully aware of what we are, and how we are occasionally viewed by humans, but...for some reason...hearing that felt painful..."

He didn't understand, he normally did not care, he usually held a neutral stance. He never cared what others thought, how they were viewed...

"I explained my abilities, but... In the end it turns out that I'm everything she hates, and yet she has no idea...

She claims to care for me, and does whatever it takes to make me...happy when I visit, but..."

In the end he was a monster to be despised.

Sarai listened, with growing wonder and...just sadness as Luca spoke. Her heart...ached for the man. He wasn't someone who reacted or felt much at all and here he was...

He was acting almost heartbroken and that was more telling than even his words. He had explained, she had called him a monster, without realizing it... and she took so much care of him? It would hurt anyone who had...some semblance of a heart.

"So now...you are lying to her. And it bothers you because... Luca you care about her don't you? That's why it hurts." She sighed softly, not knowing how to help in this really. Maybe she could help him figure it out. "You care for her enough that it hurts you when she calls you a monster because you want her acceptance, even if she does't know."

Sarai wasn't sure how to tackle the rest, she didn't want to assume really... "Does the lie...itself bother you as well? Does she really care for you? You said...claims. So you don't think she does?"

She had to ask these questions. He...it seemed like he wanted her to know he was an arrancar...and wanted her to accept that... at least to Saraiyu's thoughts. But she had called hollows monsters... This poor man.

"..." Luca was quiet at first listening to Saraiyu as she spoke; did he care? Well...he certainly valued the relationship they had formed... he was learning things, adjusting to...emotions he wasn't accustomed to using...

It was all based on a lie though...

It would have been smart...to shut the door on the relationship the moment he heard the word uttered, but...it was not that simple. He had already felt pain because of it, and could not make the smart decision...

"I...do not want to lie, but there had not been another option." He replied; "I say claim...due to these recent occurrences. What she cares for is...not me. It's for a lie I created; if she knew the truth...after hearing such words I do not believe any good would come from it..."

The pain he had felt, still felt in a sense...it would hurt...more so, wouldn't it? He...didn't want it to hurt more, this was already unpleasant.

He felt...a sense of...guilt towards the lie? She had seemed...quite relieved by it, accepting it as the truth...

If he could not truly be open with her, then what right did he have to hear anything she had to say to him? It was all undeserved.

He rarely connected with others, and in the long run...was that the better choice? One could certainly avoid pain that way... With no connections, such emotions could be avoided...

"...There was the option to tell her. You could have made a clean cut then. Now you've...dirtied things. I'l be hard on you from now on." Saraiyu spoke gently, listening to Luca with a bit of a frown he couldn't see. She should have been paying more attention to him and now...now he was in deep.

"As for claim... are you any different? Other than not telling her about your Arrancarness, are you lying about your actions towards her? Are you pretending in your... hm... are you acting yourself other than hiding that you are an arrancar is what I'd like to know." She sighed and removed her one hand from his hair to rub her forehead. "If not...then she does care for you and not a fake you."

"I don't think any good will come of this at all... The only options I could see are you kidnap her and make her your bride here in Hueco Mundo. You care for her that much, I will allow it if it'll ease your pain. Either that or you can break things off...or continue to lie. All valid options." Luca needed some ideas! He really...really cared for this human. A lot.

"I...wanted to avoid further...immediate pain, I believe; this pain is already unpleasant, I...did not want its intensity to increase..."

He was putting it off...for an even harsher pain later...he...realized that...after some time, as everything discussed had settled within his mind upon returning here.

He...wanted to avoid it though...

Would rather avoid it...

"I...enjoyed the visits, I felt...positive emotions towards them and seeing her. I have...learned more about my own emotions by doing so..."

...but if he could go back in time and make it so they never happened...to avoid this...

...Would he? He certainly did not want this pain, but...he had enjoyed his time there...but...

"..." He did not respond immediately to Saraiyu's...suggestions. Bride...that was...extreme in circumstance, he simply wanted...to smooth things out...to take the pain away, and be able to enjoy things without feeling guilty instead...

That...was impossible though, wasn't it?

"I'm sorry. I should have talked with you about these things... More than I did." Sarai had...experienced this before in her life. Luca was going to hurt now no matter what, he would ache and pain and hurt until this was all settled.

That guilt...would eat him alive. She flinched as she heard his next words though, pulling him closer. "You poor poor man... Luca, I'm so sorry."

He really cared so much and nothing, nothing would end well with this situation. There's nothing that could be done and her tone showed it. He was trapped in an impossible and painful situation...

People's prejudices didn't change overnight. His lying to her wouldn't change her mind... his breaking it off wouldn't either. By the end of this he would be left with a broken heart, it was just the manner of it breaking that was left to be decided now.

"If you keep lying...you'll make her happy at least for a while longer. Eventually there will be immense pain, but you will put it off even as it grows. If you can stand the pain inside you doing that, to make her happy...thats the option to go with." Sarai sighed, wanting to at least explain the options she'd given him. "Telling her as soon as possible with end all connections with her forever. If you can bare never seeing her again and the strong pain of doing so, this would be the one to go with. Its the best option for both of you... but the hardest."

"As for kidnapping? Just keep her here until she has to love you." Sarai shrugged. "Its not like there's anyone else here for her to be with, she'll have to either get over her prejudices or just bare it. Of course she'll probably hate you until the stockholm syndrome kicks in."

She never said she was a good person.

If he continued the lie...she would stay happy, but he would continue hurting; it hurt...a lot though, something like this would eat at him eventually...

It was an option though...

If he ended things, cut off all ties...

He...doubted he'd want to associate himself with humans again, not because...they were bad, but he didn't want this pain...he didn't like being hurt like this. Wounds...he could heal those, but this...

...He couldn't fix this.

He could...severe all ties with the human world, return to a life of solitude; he would not associate himself with others long enough to make connections, would not grow close...

It was a lonesome life, but...

He didn't want to hurt.

Kidnapping...that was cruel, he didn't... he could not see himself just doing something like that. The only way he would step in and do such a thing...

That...That circumstance couldn't happen though...

None of them yielded truly positive outcomes, but... he had expected such.

"What are your thoughts little unsure arrancar?" Sarai sighed as Luca continued to lay there and think, not saying a word either way. How was she supposed to help him?

At this point there probably wasn't anything else she could do. Things would go on as they did, without anything from her at this point...

As long as it didn't interfere with his work or duties, she would not bother him about it.

"Either...I continue this lie, and bare the pain until I can no longer handle it myself, and keep her happy...or...I cut my ties with humans as a whole...she is not the only one with prejudices...and I would not want to repeat this..."

He would be closing himself off from connections, but...he didn't like this hurt. He didn't want this hurt...

"...For now...I am conflicted..." Luca added; "I am...unsure of what path I will take with this..."

No matter what, it was painful...

Why did...something like this have to happen; he'd never wanted this...

"Then wait and see. At this point its all you can really do if you feel like that, you'll hurt anyways so you might as well just spend time thinking it over." If he was this conflicted...then that's what she'd recommend. Saraiyu sighed and patted Luca's head before moving away from him and going to dunk herself. She needed to wash and get work done herself, she'd really done all she could...

What the Corona knew was that she definitely did not recommend the dropping all ties with humans though, they were fun...

Luca moved back to his previous position as Saraiyu moved away from him, moving on with her own bath as she dunked herself under the water.

He would...get out in a bit.

For now, he needed to think on this...

Severing all ties with humans...he did not hate them, but...he would rather avoid this. Pain that he couldn't fix...he didn't like it...

Sarai realized Luca would be no help with her hair today and quickly called a thrall over to start as she popped back up from the water. This...was really bothering her Septimo, wasn't it?

She could only watch now though... If worst came to worst, she would kill the girl and let Luca move on if it hurt him too much.

While the thrall handled Saraiyu's hair, Luca finally stood from the waters; "I believe I will retire now... My apologies for the trouble..."

Whether he had anything to be sorry for or not here, he apologized regardless before stepping out of the baths fully, heading toward the towels to dry off before he went on to dress himself.

"Feel better." Sarai called, accepting the apologies as her due for such a silly thing. Emotions were annoying but...well you dealt with them how you did. Luca was just the worst at them was all.

Luca nodded at Saraiyu's response once he'd finished dressing, placing the used towel in its appropriate place before he moved to head back to his room.

He would...think on things...or try to...