Settling In [nsfw]

"...I know you don't want to..." Hibiki answered, keeping her held to him now that she was returning the hold; if they were talking about this, they probably needed to stay like this for a bit anyway.

This wasn't...going to be easy to talk about.

"Pretending only works so much... I know what bottling things up concerning...this...can do. It's not good, it's best to get it out...if you don't it'll eat at you." A small breath was given before he continued; "It'll keep everyone smiling and happy for now, but eventually they'll notice...and what about you? It isn't going to do any good for you in the long run...if you keep this up...

I wanted...to give you that space for awhile, let you deal with...it as you wanted... but going like this...it's more harmful than helpful..."

He didn't want to make her do this, but...it was something that needed to happen; just pretending...it wasn't going to help.

If he knew then why was he making her do this then? Miyako had that immediate and sullen thought, but it was an awful one. She knew that and just ignored it. It wasn't nice, he... knew better than anyone else the effects of bottling his emotions. "But I don't...like making people unhappy..."

He was right... but she didn't want to hear it... But it was right. He had... had been giving her space and that hadn't been working... But it was only a few days! Maybe with time?

...Maybe but it wasn't helping yet, it was only getting worse...

"I-I...can't sleep during the day... I-It... I need to be busy... If I stop to think I... I'm jumpy...when I see knives..." She admitted to him finally, not sure how else to let him know he was right. Hibiki was right, but it was hard and she didn't know where to start. There was something she kept wondering...

"I don't understand... I did everything I could. I did everything they said... They called me a monster! They...he didn't stop cutting me. I-I listened... What...in the world did that do?! Why..." Maybe if she understood more... But she didn't think it was understandable...

There was no...real place to start... no starting point on her feelings... "I don't... like pain... and..."

"...I know, but you need to think about yourself too... No one will be truly happy when you're unhappy..." Hibiki wasn't one for...giving talks like this, but...he was trying. He needed to if they were going to talk through this, try to make things better, try to shed some light on...on all this...

No one would be happy if someone they cared about was unhappy, and as time passed it would become obvious. Sure, she was fooling people now...but eventually...

Her admittance caused his hold to tense for a moment, but not painfully for her; it was still hard hearing about it...but they had to power through it.

"They're... They're the monsters, they're sick fucks who don't even need a reason to do those kinds of things..." Hibiki attempted to explain, "It doesn't matter if you listen to them or not...it's hurt or worse hurt...

They...like seeing others in pain, like...doing those things to others, they have experiments to see over, but they also want their sick entertainment..."

That was...how they were...

"With the four of us...their primary focus...was to break us, they probably ran their damn tests to learn more about...whatever kinds of powers we have, but... Considering the risk they'd been put at...they wanted to harm those that'd caused it..."

He wasn't trying to pull any kind of guilty feelings out in this, he was just explaining the facts.

He brought a hand up to her head, attempting to bring out some comfort by lightly teasing her hair.

Miyako appreciated how much Hibiki was trying... How much he was saying and what he was saying even. It... was what she had to hear even if it hurt. She was going to hurt them all worse... But she just... if just Hibiki. If it was just him for now... She could handle that.

His hold tightened at her words and she realized it must hurt him worse to hear it... Hear it repeated and reminded of things he went through.

"But I didn't want it! I never... never wanted to have..." Miyako's words were interrupted with hiccups of despair, sniffling against him as she squeezed him with no regard to how tight it might be. Though with how he was it probably wasn't possible for her to squeeze him too hard... "I tried to be good and be safe and... and monsters still got me! Th-They got...what they wanted... I'm broken. I'm all broken..."

"I-I keep wondering what worse hurt would be... I keep...wondering if it would have been... I... I wonder if I could have gotten Yuki-nii out before then... I just know I told you this but...its still here, its still always here.... I know not to let..let what they said get to me but I can't! I-I feel like a monster now." Her shaking felt like she would vibrate out of his arms or her legs would give out, but still she stood there strong as her muffled, hiccup and tear filled words. "I'm scared! What if they come back... What if... Something else takes me... What... what if they take you next time..."

Her voice cracked on her incoherent emotional and fear filled ranting, clinging to Hibiki with all the strength she had in her body. Her bracelet dug into her wrist, sure to leave marks but that pain was ignored. Why couldn't she be better already!?

"I know..." He answered before moving just slightly to be able to look down at her. "You're not...broken. You're still here, you're alive, and...I know it hurts...It know it's terrifying...

You're still here though, you got away, and they're gone. They lost." There were so many things to be said...

"They're trained, Miyako; they're trained to deal with the best of us...the most violent subjects they have. They wouldn't be around if they couldn't handle people fighting them...

Even with our powers...they researched, they knew what to do to keep us down... They still lost in the end.

They're gone. Osamoto's family, Selena...they've been taking them all out... That base was just...missed, and I hate that it was... That one of all places...was missed..."

He let her hold him as tightly as she wanted, not really feeling uncomfortable or any pain from her tight hold.

She'd let their words get to her... She felt like a monster...

"That's..." His arms left from around her, moving to her cheeks to try to get her to look up at him. "You're not a monster. You're not... You're not a monster by any definition. You didn't hurt anyone, you did your best... You survived."

He leaned his head down to her, just to rest it there to provide more types of comfort.

"They're not coming back...and I'm not going to let anything take you..." He stated, his words full of surety at that. "And...they're not going to take me either... I won't let that happen."

He moved his face for a moment, keeping it hidden from her as he seemed to be...working through something himself, struggling with something. At first, Miyako might think he was just...shaking slightly due to this...all of this talk, but...

He had to fight for this, fight to make it work, and it was doubtful he'd be able to just do this at any time he wanted...but...right now he needed to...for Miyako's sake.

Finally, he moved his head back to look at her, and rather than his usual scowl was...the smallest of smiles. It... It still counted, even if he wouldn't always be able to do this he was managing one...

"...B...Belive me in that...?"

Miyako shook her head against his chest, Hibiki didn't know... He wasn't inside of her. It was broken in here, it was broken. Why couldn't she put it all back together again? People she didn't know scared her sometimes... People she knew startled her and she almost jumped out of her skin... Broken... Where was the sociable baby otter she knew herself to be? Scared... hiding...

Her hold loosened though, just a tad and just enough to know his words were having some comfort even as she sobbed quietly against him. They had lost... they were trained to do all those awful, miserable things. They knew how to handle them all... And Muika and Hibiki had taken care of it. Selena and Takuya too... Her sobs softened more, sniffles replacing them as his words had a strong effect. His words or his voice... Most likely a combination of the two, she felt...

Inside it was as if the Miyako who had been hiding for days, crouched and cowering in a corner began, slowly, to pick up one piece of herself... She felt...

Shock! Hibiki let her go and she whimpered in fear, clinging tighter for a moment before his hands settled on her head. He was pulling it up and she let him lift her face up from his body, red eyes swollen and tears still streaming down but... but staring at him was just as soothing as against him Hibiki hadn't been there... He wasn't part of it... He didn't think she was.

"B-But I'm impossible. They said so... I alter reality. I make impossible...impossible things... I-I survived...because I was..." Even as she spoke though, her head nudged his lightly in more comfort than just settling it there. She needed this reassurance that...her powers weren't monstrous things... That she wasn't for doing that...

At least...she could believe him on keeping her safe. He would always... and that got a small smile that quirked the edge of her lips briefly before dying.

"C-Contradicting...yourself... Y-You said they knew how to handle you... Y-You aren't lying?" It was stupid, stupid she had to ask this, her voice a bit hoarse and weak as she stared up at the ceiling while Hibiki hid his face. Was he lying? She couldn't...see... He was shaking? Was... was he lying!?

As he pulled back though, there was obviously major shock on her face. She felt heat rising up, it was a small smile and unpracticed... Miyako let out a small sob as one hand released him to reach up and wipe her eyes, but she nodded firmly and sniffled. "I do... I do... I will... I have...to believe my hero, right? M-My smiling...hero..."

Just because she said that though didn't mean it'd be easy...

He was...helping right? Miyako's small, but noticeable reactions made him wonder, and...hope that he was. They were having some effect... They...he was able to help...right?

Her sobs had softened into sniffles, which...was hopefully something at least...

He'd meant it... She wasn't broken; she was hurt...but not broken...

When she questioned her abilities, he shook his head; "They're special, not impossible. Being able to do those types of things...heal people, create things out of nothing... Think of how many people wish they had the ability to do that... It's...a special ability, a good one...not horrible, not bad, not monstrous...

You...can create...miracles, if you can think of it like that."

She wasn't a monster, not by a long shot.

"I wouldn't lie to you...Especially not right now." He stated, serious as he answered her.

That...smile he'd managed had gotten a reaction, a strong one... The shock was written all over her face.

If...calling him a hero helped her right now...he'd allow it. He wouldn't fight her on it.

Hibiki leaned in again, resting his forehead to hers once more; "It'll take time...but keep...everything I've said in mind. Don't let them win... They're losers, right? The...bad guys...?

We won, and they're gone. We're all still here, and... I'll reassure you whenever you need me to."

Miyako was calming, but it wasn't a worn out calming. For now...she'd gotten out those poisonous thoughts and it felt better in her head, especially with his reassuring words. It...wasn't fixed, but...she felt a twinge lighter than before.

"M-Miracles...?" That was...nothing she'd ever thought of and her face lit right back up, unable to process how... how much he'd said about her powers. He'd said they were special... Not impossible or monstrous... Hibiki's opinion was worth way way more... Way more than the real monsters' opinions. They...had been the ones who were awful... She should remind herself more...

She tried to be brave and nodded firmly at that thought, finding some benchmark of things to do. Just keep reminding herself... "M-Miracles... I'll try my best 'Biki..."

Miyako's hand stopped wiping her eyes as her tears slowed and then halted, though she still sniffled a bit. He'd obviously done a lot of good because as his forehead settled against his, Miyako smiled. She smiled up at him and didn't hide the pain in her eyes or that her smile wasn't anywhere as bright as normal... But she wasn't hiding it from him anymore.

"You saved me...just like you promised to. They...lost, and we definitely won... I-I really shouldn't let them win b-by..." It would be bad to let the bad guys win, as childish as this thought process was it was doing her some good as her tear wetted hand reached up to play with Hibiki's bangs. She nudged her head up again lightly after a moment too, her smile not fading but not forced in place as it had been lately. "I-I'll try to...tell you when... I feel like I need it. Thank you... I feel... I feel a bit lighter..."

"Mn, Miracles." Hibiki gave a small nod, giving her more confirmation as she worked through her thoughts.

She would...try her best; that was really all they could do right now, was to keep trying their bests. They could beat this, and would be this...the only way to do that though was to work towards it.

They just had to keep reassuring themselves...

Miyako was smiling again, though while it wasn't as bright as her usual ones...she wasn't hiding anything from him.

They couldn't let the bad guys win... While it wasn't the most...mature way of thinking of it...it was simple, and it helped. If it helped, that was all that mattered.

Another nod was given at Miyako's words; she would try to tell him, he would accept that... If he noticed anything...he'd speak up to, or just go straight to the reassurances...

"Mn...Welcome..."

He really thought they were miracles and it gave her a bit more happiness to her smile to hear that, Miyako letting out a weak giggle. She'd try her hardest and...that meant starting now...

But it wasn't hard to do with him being so sweet... Hibiki accepted her words... It was amazing how hard he pushed himself for her sake...

Miyako's hand moved from playing with his bangs to sliding into his hair and around to his neck. She pulled his head down softly more as she leaned up on her tippy toes to kiss him. It was a brief kiss, only giving him enough time to respond before she pulled back... And then immediately kissed him again, before pulling back a bit longer this time and looking unsure. She still leaned up a third time and kissed him, without pulling back though.

He'd smiled...just for her... To cheer her up and it'd...helped... More than she wanted to admit to.

Hibiki was quiet, letting Miyako work through his recent words; her giggle had been weak, but it was better than nothing, and he was greatful for it.

She was going to try to work past it, and she would... If anyone could work past something like this he felt she could. In time...she'd be smiling again just like she used to... It would just take time and patience...

He responded to the short kiss, letting her pull away as she pleased before she leaned back up to kiss him a second time. He continued to respond, this one holding longer than the first before she pulled back again.

She didn't pull away on the third one, and he again responded, his arms moving around her to hold her close again.

Miyako made a soft happy sound as Hibiki's arms wrapped around her again, her other hand moving up to his cheek and brushing back some of his hair as they kissed. It was a nice comforting reminder of where she was, a happy one really and Miyako felt pretty soothed for now.

If she got upset and freaked out again later, she'd rush over for his comfort instead of hiding it. After a few more moments, she pulled away from the kiss. The bed... She'd forgotten the bed!

"I worked hard, spent days designing that bed just for you..." Miyako pouted softly with one puffed up cheek, her head turning to the side before her eyes only darted back to look at him. "You're gonna tell me you are going to help me unpack instead of testing it? I'm...I'm a bit better now."

It would definitely be time but... at least she wasn't pretending she was fine now.

"..." Hibiki rose a brow at Miyako's words after she'd pulled from the kiss, his arms still holding her to him as she gave him a soft pout. "Later. I'll rest in it later when we both can... There's a lot of stuff to still unpack...

...Bath before resting though... Unpacking's work..."

Warm...hot bath after unpacking all of that stuff, and then resting in the bed once clean... That seemed like the ideal course of action to take.

He was glad she felt better, and he was taking her words about not being able to rest during the day into consideration, so...he was proposing this. Work, bath, then rest.

"Don't raise your eyebrow at me like that...! I did work hard..." Miyako turned back, pouting intensifying for a brief moment as Hibiki raised his eyebrow. It faded though, she knew she wouldn't be able to win against him when he was insisting like this. Ordering more like...

At least he was compromising!

She giggled again and nodded. "Oh I see... Test your new favorite place and then your second new favorite place right in a row? I guess that sounds fine then, as long as you are happy."

It did sound like a good plan...

Speaking of unpacking though, her eyes gleamed with curiosity as she remembered the odd box downstairs. "Um Hibiki? There's a box of books I don't remember seeing before. Are they yours? They looked like mine though..."

"Mn." He gave a nod, confirming her words; "Bath and then rest..."

Unpacking rewarded with extreme relaxing, it would be good; the work of all the unpacking would likely have them welcoming a bath to relax their muscles.

That would be nice, and he'd be happy...

Hn?

His attention was on Miyako as she questioned him, though... that question... S-Shit...those books. Unconsciously, Hibiki had visibly reacted to her question, freezing just slightly before he naturally composed himself.

"Those...ah..." As he spoke, his hold loosened on her. "I'll handle unpacking those..."

If it was what Hibiki wanted, then she'd be happy to give it to him. Miyako smiled again, relaxed once more and more naturally allowing those awful thoughts to slide from her mind for now. They just...faded with the new happier ones replacing them.

Unpacking and then using the new bath together and then sleeping...! Such a nice day and night planned... She'd promised to show him how to make gyoza and gyudon too, the gyudon a little easier and thus that was going to be for dinner as well~

The mention of the box caused an obvious reaction though, Hibiki had froze and Miyako's hand on his cheek paused its soft touches. Huh? His hold loosened so she stepped back and slightly towards the stairs with a very composed and careful expression. "But I'm color coordinating and size and shape coordinating all the books... I don't think you can help me with those..."

...She had to see what was in the box now...

C-Color coding...

"I'll handle 'em..." He would handle them...toss them...somewhere that wasn't where she could find them. She didn't need to worry about...organizing them or anything, they were best...left...for storage, yeah...storage.

Just...old stuff, no need to do anything with it.

"s'Not a big deal..." He could handle 'em easy...

Miyako smiled and nodded at Hibiki, apparently caving at his words. "Okaaay~ I guess it'd be fine to let you handle them then!"

...Or not as she immediately turned and bolted down the stairs. Whatever was in that box... had to be seen with her own eyes. They had almost looked like Rin Aoyama books and stuff...

It was definitely a big deal, especially with how nonchalant he was trying to be.

"Gg-!" Damn it!

Damn it, he should have taken the first step! Hibiki hardly had time to relax or respond as Miyako bolted down the stairs. She had even left him stunned due to shock for a short moment, though that might be her window of opportunity, before he quickly attempted to follow after her.

Damn it, she didn't need to see those damn books! He could handle them! He had said he could handle them!

Haha! Miyako was USED TO STAIRS! Stairs at school, stairs in her home town, stairs all over! So she could take two to three steps down them with ease. Also her stripping earlier had streamlined her and left her with no socks for the uncarpeted flooring as well.

Hahaha perfect! Laughing with reckless abandon really, this distraction was just what she needed and she knew she hit the jackpot as Hibiki chased after her finally.

It had given her too much of a lead as she grabbed the end of the banister, using it as a level to spin herself and send her off towards the book boxes she had moved earlier while he'd been cocooned.

There! The one on top in the battered box! She dove at it and pulled it open, eyes sparkling with joy at the immense treasure that had been hiding other than a small view.

Romance. The sweetest, most adoring romance novels. She recognized so many of them... And unless he'd gotten them all second hand... Miyako saw the spines of each and everyone one of the top row. Well read~

Sparkles... So many sparkles. Was this Hibiki's great secret?

Shit, shit, shit, shit!

The moment Hibiki reached the end of the stairs Miyako was already rushing towards the box, just as she reached out, he attempted to make a quick dive for the box himself, but...at most he pushed the box, and...she had already grabbed a book.

On the floor he lay, clearly not in any pain but...she...she had... Without a word his face was to the floor as his hand touched the edge of the box, tipping it over to where the books would fall out and bury at least his head.

She... She had seen...

In his horror he didn't even notice the sparkles. She had...seen...

Miyako squeaked as Hibiki dove for the box, turning to the side to see him hit the floor and then...knock the box over onto his head. Books and shame filled the air as she stared in frozen shock for a few moments, giving the books enough time to land on his head and for her to drop the book she held as she stared.

...H-Huh?!

"'Biki!" She dropped to her knees, moving to quickly remove all those books from his fallen and horrified form. "Are you hurt!? Alive?! One tch if if you are in pain, two if you are dying! Speak to me!"

No tch's were given, signalling Miyako to neither of her queues she'd told him to give. He was neither in pain nor dying...physically. Those damn books...he should have...made sure to hide them first thing... He'd forgotten...

Of all things to forget...

He'd felt her remove the books, interrupting his shame-filled burial and putting it to a halt.

Humiliating...

He moved his hands to the floor, looking as if he were about to push himself up but instead he...pushed himself back...backing away from this spot, leaving his pride for dead.

Miyako set the books to the side a bit more carefully as she realized he was just fine, her initial panic dying down to be replaced with pure amusement. She was giggling softly as she made sure he was alive, turning to set the final book on top of the pile and then looking back to see Hibiki pushing himself away.

"Oh no you don't!" She called through her giggles, crawling over him in a quick motion and plopping down on his butt. Sitting there with her legs splayed to either side of him, she continued giggling uncontrollably as she spoke. "Its not that bad! So what if you like those? I like them too! I mean those are really sweet stories too. I have two copies of Aoyama-sama's books too, the nice signed special editions and ones I read! I am really really happy... I can share this with you now then!"

"That's why you hated those porn books... They had bad romance in them too. I bet they were just miserable for you Hibiki." Miyako held onto the back of his shirt for good measure, bouncing on his butt a bit in her usual happy motion when she sat on him. She...hadn't done that in days...

"Gh-!" His escape failed as Miyako took notice of his attempts, plopping herself down on him and promptly keeping him from moving any further.

Not...that bad...

That bad...

"Just... They..." He was attempting to form an excuse on how he'd come across some of them, just...claim they were all gifts and he'd only looked at 'em...even if that was an obvious, obvious lie.

The...porn books...

Those stupid...porn books...

They had no subst-

...

Well, he would just stop himself right there; stop before he even started.

He felt Miyako bouncing on him, holding onto his shirt to keep him here. The more he lied there the more he calmed, even if...it was a forced calm at first.

She...She had found them, but... He was attempting to reassure himself here...

"...T-This information doesn't leave this apartment." He finally stated, and as much as he was trying to hide it, shrug it off...it was quite obvious he was embarrassed. If...it was just her that knew...g...gh...