Out for Lunch [Open]

"Ahhh~! This is delicious, Haru-tan!" Kaimu praised before taking another bite from his meal, a bowl of udon, as he sat at the counter of the small food establishment.

"Why thank you, Kaimu-san." The shop owner, an elderly woman, replied with a smile as she cleaned her hands. "It's been quite some time since you last stopped by, traveling as usual I presume?"

Kaimu grinned, "Yup! I heard there was a festival tonight, so I wanted to stop by."

Haru gave a nod, "You'd be right on that, it's something you wouldn't want to miss either. There's game stalls, fireworks, and the other residents always have lots of fun."

"Ahhh, I can't wait!"

"Get out ma damn way you old fool!"

Norma yelled at an elderly man as she thumped him on the back side with her cane. She was just as grumpy today as she had been for the last few thousand years. It was a very rare occasion that she was anywhere near pleasant.

The old man gasped and scooted out of her way, shooting her an ugly look, which Norma matched with one of her own. Norma hobbled up the the door of a little eatery and opened the door and walked in. It was a nice little place, and Norma came here pretty regularly.

"I'd like my normal table."

A young woman looked at who was here and then got a little nervous. There was a man sitting at her table.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Higgins, but your table is taken."

Norma glared at the woman, her frown deepening. Norma ignored the woman and made her way to her usual spot where she saw a crimson haired man sitting.

"Kaimu? Shouldn't you be on the run or something?"

Norma's voice grew a bit darker as she spoke to the man again.

"The real question is...why are you sitting at MY table?"

"You enjoy your meal, Kaimu-san and I hope you have fun at the festival."

Kaimu gave an enthusiastic nod as a response, "I will, Haru-tan~!"

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"Kaimu? Shouldn't you be on the run or something?"

"Mm?" He glanced up, sucking up the last piece of noodle that had been in the bite he'd just taken.

He knew her, though he hadn't seen her in a long, long time. She'd been a captain of the Seireitei during his time there, although he hadn't been a member of her division.

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"The real question is...why are you sitting at MY table?"

Kaimu glanced innocently between the table and Norma before his mouth formed into an 'o.'

"Ahh, I'm sorry Norma-tan! It was crowded when I first got here and there was nowhere else."

Remembering her previous comment about him being on the run, he puffed out his cheeks in a false pout. "Ne, Norma-tan, I just wanted to stop by. I haven't visited this district and awhile and the festival sounds like it'll be a lot of fun."

Despite his age, Kaimu was all for having fun and playing around at festivals; his excitement for them could equal that of a child's.

Norma sat down across from the man. She placed her ebony cane on the seat next to her. The little woman she had talked to earlier came rushing from the back with a glass of sparkling water and a toasted tuna fish sandwich with celery spears on the side. For a large woman, Norma really didn't have a bad diet. She was just naturally fat.

"Excuses."

Norma took a sip of her water and then bit one of her celery sticks. Kaimu was pretty brave to come here for a festival. There were surely going to be members from Seireitei there, and he was still a criminal in their yes.

"Is the festival really a safe place for you to be? I've only been retired a short while, and you were still on Seireitei's shit list when I left.?

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"Excuses."

"Is the festival really a safe place for you to be? I've only been retired a short while, and you were still on Seireitei's shit list when I left."

"Ahhh, I'll be careful. I only want to check out some of the game stalls. Maybe I can win something!" He said with a big grin. "Plus there's going to be fireworks! I'll be they'll be really pretty!"

Playing games, watching fireworks, eating festival food, just the thought of it excited him.

"Mmm, I could eat dumplings~ or even cotton candy if they have some. Mmmm!"

There was a middle aged man sitting who tried to keep to himself. He was fiddling with a pocket knife in his raggedy brown cloak, cutting his own palms and biting his tongue. He covered the bloody mess with one of his sleeves. Still, wheezing sounds came through like a whistle resonating through the tongue.

His strawberry milkshake was still completely full as he pulled from his other sleeve sugar pixie sticks and poured them into milkshake about five at a time. Servers wouldn't come close to him; when he was given the milkshake at his table, they slid it across the table to avoid his off-putting stench.

He looked at both Norma and Kaimu again, through his hood, staring at them while raising both eyebrows, and then shaking his head to stir the sugar in his drink with the straw. He then snorted, and the hold on his tongue released. He burst out snorting and laughing hysterically, flailing his arms like a dragonfly, coughing and wheezing because he was running out of breath.

"If you say so. It's your ass not mine."

Norma took a bite of her sandwich. They made the best tuna here. Norma came almost everyday for lunch just to have a tuna fish sandwich. Norma was about to criticize Kaimu some more when she heard made snorting and laughter coming from a nearby table.

She noticed a cloaked man flailing about. He was the source of the noise, and a awful stench.
Norma looked the man up and down with a scowl on her face.

"What the hell is your goddamned problem?"

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"If you say so. It's your ass not mine."

"I'll be careful!" He repeated with a smile.

Their conversation was cut short though by the sounds of snorting and laughing. Kaimu glanced over in the direction Norma was looking with curious eyes.

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"What the hell is your goddamned problem?"

'Mm...?' Something seemed...off about the man, that's what his instinct was telling him anyway; but for all Kaimu knew, the man could have just found something very funny, that or he wasn't all there in the head.

'Ask him to share whatever he's on.'

'I would never!'

'Tch.'

The man tried to stop laughing, but the hood dropped to his shoulders, revealing a long bridged nose and honking nostrils that only a mother could love, with ears also pretty big you might have thought he was a human elephant hybrid. There were dark splotches, probably some skin condition, littering his face, including his bald skull. He quaffed his sugar milkshake greedily as an attempt to drown his own laughter, but couldn't. He was snorting all the while; most of the drunk milkshake spilled from his mouth and went on the table or on the ground. After slamming the half empty on the table, he stuck out his elbows and let his forearms make a 90 degree angle at his elbows towards the ground.

"What's your goddamn problem? What's your goddamn problem?" He parroted. Most of it was slurred, because he was still laughing/wheezing at parts. "Look at me, I bully old people. This is my normal table. Wouldn't want an abnormal table, nope nope. The table might eat our food right under our noses."

"Tch"

Norma was not amused by this man. What was wrong with him? He was completely off his rocker, that's for damn sure. Norma grabbed her cane and turned her body to face the weird man. She put her cane in front of her and leaned on it slightly. The ancient old woman looking at the man. Her face stern and unflinching.

"Sir, you are a moron. I don't know who you are, and I don't rightly care. Now, I along with the rest of the people here are trying to have a pleasant lunch. Would you be so kind as to shut the fuck up?"

"Ehhh..." Kaimu was whispering under his breath, his head turning in each direction to take in the people staring. He didn't want a fight to break out, and knowing Norma he knew if that man made her angry enough she just might start beating him with her cane.

Suddenly, Kaimu stood up, waving his arms frantically. "H-Hey!! Let's all just take it easy, we came here to eat delicious food!" He said, picking up his bowl of udon and taking a bite, "Mmm, see?!" He said, forcing a nervous smile on his face.

He knew he was just embarrassing himself but he really didn't want a fight, he didn't like fighting, so if this is what it costs in attempt to prevent one he didn't mind.

While this old ninny was trying to scold him, his constant wheezing, whining laughter still covered most of it, even if his ears were larger than normal. Kaimu's movement immediately grabbed his attention as he moved, and he stopped laughing, really suddenly, entranced as though he were a crow and he spotted something shiny. The place then continued to murmur about after a very brief silence.

The cloaked man's eyes at first moved to his arms, which he mimicked slower as though it were some sort of greeting, looked at the loose ponytail bounce for a while, and then at his mouth as the udon went into his mouth.

"Food? Food yes, put it in your mouth."

He started to laugh again, but now his laughter was darker, and it quickly turned to sobbing; tears were flowing down his cheeks and into his mouth. "Makes the words stop. Makes it all stop. Hide it in you, save it. Squirrel nuts for the winter. Choke on it makes it quick but I blend it... doesn't matter."

"Kaimu, cut it out."

Norma turned her attention back to the nut job before her. He was really starting to wear her nerves thin. She pulled her blade from her cane and pointed it at the man.

"Your sir, are pissing me off. I will not hesitate to cut the piss out of you."

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"Food? Food yes, put it in your mouth."

"Makes the words stop. Makes it all stop. Hide it in you, save it. Squirrel nuts for the winter. Choke on it makes it quick but I blend it... doesn't matter."

"Eh....Heh?" Kaimu tilted his head slightly in confusion and blinked.

'Tch, he's just a crazy old geezer.'

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"Kaimu, cut it out."

"Mm..." Kaimu immediately silenced, not wanting to face Norma's wrath later if he didn't, though, a small whine escaped him afterwards. Still, he let his eyes wander around the shop again, worried about the scene they were causing. If they caused too much of a scene things could get bad.

His fingers tapped against the bowl he was holding repeatedly as he turned his eyes from the people down to what was left of his udon.

The tears also stopped when the sword was pointed at him. His eyes widened a great deal as his head titled to the side, as though admiring the swords handiwork. As the sword was drawn, people finally started to clear out of the place rather than move farther away from the nutjob's table.

The elephant faced man looked at Kaimu with watery, pleading eyes. At first he thought that the pony man would understand. However, as Kaimu looked around away from him, he licked and smacked his lips before licking the blood off the hand he had cut with a knife earlier, as eagerly as a kid licking an ice cream cone, but continuing to stare at the tip of the sword.

Norma was baffled by this man. Who the hell was he? Now he was just sitting there, staring at the tip of her sword. What the frick was his problem?

"Will you be quiet now? Can these people eat their lunches in peace?"

Norma lowered her blade a bit. It had been years since she had had to draw on anyone. She could only vaguely remember her last battle. This man didn't seem like he'd put up much of a fight if need be. It'd be a shame really.

While his head was still down, Kaimu began stealing glances again, choosing to switch between looking down at his food, to Norma and then to the man. He wanted desperately to tell Norma to put away her sword, that it would cause more trouble than it was worth, and he also hoped that the man would quiet down.

That way, they could all go own with their meals though they'd already crossed a line and any eating from here on out would likely be held in awkward silence.

At least he had the festival to look forward to, even with this going on he refused to let it ruin his day. He would go to the festival later, win prizes, eat good food, and have fun!

'Things are too serious! Wayyyy too serious!' He mentally shouted. 'I don't like it!'

The only response was frustrated sigh, though Kaimu could tell Kuroshi was likely rolling his eyes at him.

"Fuuu." Kaimu let out a sigh, one cheek slightly puffed out in a pout as if he were a frustrated child.

"Fuuu." the man whispered back, smiling as though he discovered something new. He enjoyed the way the word puffed and then popped his cheeks as he said it. He whispered it again, and his eyes started to wander from the tip. He made a shnorking sound with his nose, but it wasn't as loud this time.

Instead of being still he started to fidget, and then looked back at Norma. He bobbed his head side to side, sucking on his fingers one by one.

"Peace." he uttered, and then without warning slammed the palm of his right hand through the tip of Norma's sword and shuddered almost ecstatically. He pulled it back fast, so that the blade left a clean slit through his hand.

Norma jerked her sword back away from the man's bloody hand. He was beyond threats at this point. Norma had no clue how to handle this situation.

"What the holy hell is wrong with you man?!"

Norma snapped her fingers in the air grabbing the attention of a nearby waitress. The young woman gingerly walked over to the three. A look a terror plastered on her face.

"Would your establishment please do something about him?"

Norma turned her attention back to Kaimu, who was just sitting there like a lump.

"You know, you're about as useful as a tit on a bull hog."

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"Peace."

Kaimu's eyes widened just as his jaw dropped at the man's action. "E....Ehhhhh!?!"

Why would he do something like that!? By now it was obvious knowledge this man wasn't exactly right in the head.

"W-w-Why would do that!?" He sputtered frantically, "W-"

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"Would your establishment please do something about him?"

"You know, you're about as useful as a tit on a bull hog."

"I don't like arguing, N-Norma-tan!" He replied, his mismatched eyes darting between Norma and the man.

Kaimu heard the employee's moving about, some moving into the back room because they were too afraid of the man while others where frozen in shock at the scene before them.

"Eeh......"

If this were some crazed thug, intending to harm others, Kaimu knew he'd have no problem stepping up and tossing the guy out himself, but this old man...all he sensed was that he was just mentally handicapped.

'Nn...' Then again, with things progressing as they have, this man could harm someone and if something wasn't done now shinigami on patrol were bound to hear of this and investigate themselves.

Kaimu took a deep breath, calming himself down from his frantic state as he placed his bowl back down on the table.

"Ne, Ojii-san." He started, dropping his usual -tan and playful attitude for a more serious one. "I have some bandages that I can use to wrap your hand up where I'm staying. If you'd like, you can come with me and I'll patch you up." He offered, anything to get this man out of the building and away from the customers.

"I don't want to scare these people anymore." He added, "They came here to have a nice meal and now that's been interrupted."

He was starting with reasoning, trying to see if he could bait the man outside, he didn't want to resort to pulling his own sword on someone just because they were being difficult.

The hand that had been self impaled shook frantically and seemed to wither like a hyperactive near-dead spider clinging to life as the man continued to hold it up high for it to bleed. It then fell like a rock and slammed to the table, where the arm continued to be spastic. The man slammed his hand against the table repeatedly like hammering a nail until it stopped moving, like it was 'dead'.

When the nearby waitress came up to him, he gulped a little and some droll escaped the side of his mouth. At his point, he pretty much shut out the mean woman who pulled out a sword and called for peace.

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"Ne, Ojii-san. I have some bandages that I can use to wrap your hand up where I'm staying. If you'd like, you can come with me and I'll patch you up."

At this point, the man started to snicker, but it was a combination of both laughter and weeping, close to the wheezing one would make after running a marathon. In between breaths he would snort like a hog again. He pointed to himself with his unstabbed hand, crying, shaking his head really fast, as though his neck were a greased swivel

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"I don't want to scare these people anymore." He added, "They came here to have a nice meal and now that's been interrupted."

"Scary? Boo, HA HA!" He grabbed his large nose and started to shake it, wiggled his ears, and stuck out his pierced tongue. "Ugly!" He then started to slam against his forehead against the table like a flopping fish until he drew blood and the brown hood flopped over his skull.

At that point, it was silent; people might believe at the point that he had died. However, as his head raised up, he was quieter than black death. He drew from his sleeve triple the cost of the milkshake, stood up as calmly as he could although his legs now wobbled, and turned towards the exit.

Norma watched as the man paid for his shake and just got up and started to leave. What the hell was this madness? She was almost lost for words. Almost.

"I can't with this madness. I'm not even sure what just happened."

Norma took a sip of her water and shook her head. What a shit show this lunch turned out to be. She had no words to describe the level of crazy that took place here today.

Kaimu watched the man as he began to break down and pointed at himself.

"Ahhh....Are you hurting?" He asked, unsure of what to really do or say in this matter. Then again, of course he was hurting, he'd stabbed his hand through only a few moments ago.

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"Scary? Boo, HA HA!"

"Ugly!"

"Hu...h?" Kaimu began to ask, only seconds before the man started to slam his head down repeatedly on the table. "Ehhh!?" His eyes widened once again, much like how they had earlier when he'd reacted to the man stabbing his hand.

'Tch. He's beyond talking to. You know that.'

'Mmmm....'

Before he could move to try to stop the man, or say anything the man stopped. It was silent for a moment, and Kaimu began to worry about whether or not the man had knocked himself out or worse before he began to move again.

Without a word the man placed money on the counter and began walking away.

"H....Huh?" His eyes followed the man as he approached the exit, wondering whether he should follow to see where the man was headed or if the man was simply going through with what he'd suggested earlier about getting bandages.

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"I can't with this madness. I'm not even sure what just happened."

Kaimu turned back to Norma, confusion in his expression as he debated on what he should do.

"Pheww~ I was not expecting something like this today, Norma-tan." He said, returning to his usual way of speech.

The mess that the man left looked like a murder scene aftermath. Blood that gushed from his forehead and hand painted the table like some cruel canvas, and the milkshake that spilled from his mouth when he tried to drink it while laughing, and the rest that tipped over when he slammed against the table clumped at random spots just to add to the chaos.

He stumbled his way to the exit, trying to keep his posture erect like a drunkard would. He bumped into the side of the door twice before finally making it out of the exit. He shook his head repeatedly, silently sobbing before taking another pixie stick and downing it.

"Festival." he murmured.

"Me either. That was a real shit show."

Norma took another bite of her sandwich. Fighting with the man, her bread had gotten kinda soggy. Oh well, it still tasted good even if the texture was a bit off.

"Ya know Kaimu, I don't have anything going on today. I'd be willing to go to the festival and cover for you if you run into trouble."

She didn't know if Kaimu knew the abilities of her zanpakuto, but she could make him vanish to the eyes of everyone at the festival if she had to. She wished Setsuna would take him off the wanted list. He was a nice boy, and he didn't deserve this.