Shirakawa Mansion

"I...bottled it up really, I put all my focus on work rather than actually...dealing with it...I apologize." Masaru knew Mia wouldn't like that answer, but...that's what he'd done for the most part...until Lakshmi had come to inform him of things.

It seemed though...his former words had...caused a rather strong response from Mia. He held her close as she buried her face in his chest where small sounds from her were coming from.

His hand returned to her hair, petting softly as she worked through her flustered feelings, his other arm around her and holding her to him.

"...Sounds like you..." Mia muttered from her hiding in his chest, nuzzling his scar lightly. "You are...incredibly silly. Why...do you bottle things up like that so much? You...you are allowed to feel...and be sad..."

Being held to him didn't help her much, but the hand in her hair caused her body to relax even if she couldn't respond too much else. "I...I am happy... for you. What are you going to do...when she gets back?"

"I...I've never really...had anyone to confide into so...I've always just kept things to myself, eventually it just became...instinctual to do so." It'd led him to drinking as well, but...he wasn't quite sure how Mia would react to that...

What was he going to do when she returned...?

"I...I suppose see her, and eventually...things will return to normal, well...as normal as they can be. I'll continued with my duties, and spending time with you and Nozomi...I don't think...that much will change..."

"M-Mm...you'll...confide in me now though?" Mia asked a bit...softly, her eyes peeking up at Masaru. She wanted to know... they...were...family now? He felt so... "Y-You...said I am...f-f-f-f-fam...ily...n-n-now..."

She choked on the words towards the end, her shaking making its appearance. Masaru had...had been alone! But he wasn't now! He had her... And Lakshmi! And others.

"I...meant something like...not like...that far ahead... I mean... I always wanted to..." Mia couldn't find the words to explain, though she was laughing a bit at Masaru's misunderstanding. "With my...dad... when I didn't know him...there were things I had always wanted to show my...whoever my dad was. I was just wondering if you had...things like that. Maybe make her dinner...?"

She was calming a bit, the woman able to speak a bit more calmly now.

"O-Of course...I will." Masaru replied, giving a small nod; he would confide in her now...of course he would, he didn't...didn't need to bottle things up anymore. He'd done so for as long as he could remember, but...he could... "I...If anything's hurting me...or something...I promise I'll come to you, I've already...cut back on the drinking...anyway..."

There he said, he'd wanted to...he was just...extremely worried.

"Th...Th-That came out badly, I...sometimes...when things were...really bad...I did...but I'm told I'm not bad when intoxicated, it-it's...ah..." This was all coming out wrong! It was all coming out wrong because he was worried about telling her this in the first place!

"Y-Y...You are...family....though..." It'd been...extremely difficult for her to get that out...but...but he'd meant it...earlier...Considering...their relationship and how it's progressed so far, she...she might as well be...especially when it came to hearing about things like this! She should be considered as such...

So he'd...misunderstood some; he...understood now what she meant though; "I think...I'd like to catch her up on things...on my end anyway...Perhaps...I can cook something as well..."

Mia's relief at Masaru's trust was short lived as he continued to speak. "D-Drinking?! "

She hadn't even...known... he drank at all... let alone that he'd done it enough to have...cut back. Worried violet eyes shined as she pushed lightly off of his chest and leaned up. He wasn't bad when drunk... but he had drank to ease....ease everything all bottled up? Tearing up, she felt her lips quiver as her hands went to his cheeks. "Poor Masaru..."

There were a million things she needed to say and wanted to, but her heart tugged at her voice and she lost it as she wrapped her arms around his neck and nuzzled her head against his. He thought of her as part of his family now and she would give him comfort.

"Its okay. Its...okay..." She couldn't respond to his correction on what he'd do over Setsuna... Bottling up everything... drinking enough that he'd have to cut back?! Why hadn't...hadn't they been there for him?!

"I-It...It's not, I'm not bad when I..." Well he'd already said that, but...Mia still seemed really worried, though...from her next words, he was able to realize it was over him...now what he was like when drank.

He didn't move as she brought her face to his, his arms still around her as she wrapped her own arms around his neck.

He was alright, he would be fine...he didn't need to...to bottle things up anymore, and keep things to himself. He would tell Mia things, and he meant to keep that promise.

"You ridiculous man! I am sure you aren't bad when drunk! I'm more worried about...or well...sad...because you had to...in the first place..." Mia's voice rose a bit as Masaru tried to explain something that did not... did not have bearings on this situation or her feelings.

"You are...you are...so frustrating sometimes... how am I supposed to help... when you are just telling me this stuff now?" She refused to let go of him or move back at all, wanting to touch him. "...they are frustrating too. Where were they for you? Where...why were you left alone!"

Masaru was quiet for the duration that Mia spoke, wanting...hear everything she had to say first, as she spoke about her worries towards him, asking where...anyone was for him...

That...

His hand continued to gently stroke her hair; "They...didn't exist. I didn't have any friends really, and...the drinking mostly started...after I'd..." After the incident that'd resulted in his father's death; "I didn't really...have anyone to talk to...so I kept to myself..."

The only person around before he'd actually started to gain friends had been Nozomi, and no way could he just...talk about such things with her, she was too young to have to worry about those things.

So when...things were bad he...he put his focus on...anything really to get his mind off of it; his work for both his division, and his family...his drinking...anything...

"You had Setsuna... why... why didn't you rely on her...?" Mia couldn't understand... if she had been so important to him... it was Masaru though. He probably thought he was a bother... and shouldn't bug the woman with things.

He...even the hair playing didn't help as one of Mia's hands slipped into his hair and she pulled his head just a bit closer to hers. "I..hate it. That you had to...do that...that it...made you drink... that you were all alone... I'm being...childish but...I hate it."

Her voice was a soft murmur by the end, all of her rage fading away. She hadn't set anything on fire... which was good. Her control was getting better... it was false comfort though. Mia held onto Masaru as if her hugs and affection could reach through time and erase all of those bad things...

"She was the head captain, she...she had enough on her plate, and when things were...still going on...I couldn't have...It'd been put into my head from too young of an age, if I told, if I shared...anything -- including how I felt about those things, how it hurt... I would only be hurting the family.

Now...I know it probably would have been best to speak up, that...perhaps something could have been handled, and...things wouldn't have tuned out like they did...but...it's too late for that; what happened...happened.

Setsuna was there...when I...ended things, after that there wasn't much explaining to do, but I told her what she wanted...She was there for me then...but had she not have...been there I don't know if I'd have spoken up..."

He nuzzled his head against hers after she'd pulled him closer, not knowing any other actions he could do to help now...

"It's alright, hate it... if that's how you feel about it, you're free to feel that way..." He hadn't liked it either, but it'd just become...natural for him to hide things.

Mia's hand clenched lightly in Masaru's hair, having expected that response and answer to her question. She didn't and couldn't understand that situation, that sort of growing up with all these expectations and being forced into a role... It suited Masaru, his position and work but... the rest? They let his father get away with that and yet jumped down his throat over small things?

Setsuna...had been there for him at least when she could and when she knew. That was all Mia could have asked... It just was so upsetting to sit here and hear this and know she couldn't have done anything to help him even if she had been there!

Not able to respond vocally yet, not sure of what to say she just gave a frustrated sound and squeezed him briefly.

Masaru's nuzzles did calm her slightly and Mia pulled back after several calming moments. She stared into his eyes for a moment, looking deep in thought as she bit her lip. She fidgeted slightly, took a deep breath and then spoke. "W-Well...if you...need to drink now...You can drink with me...and... I am... I...refuse..."

Her violet eyes couldn't hold his blue ones and she looked away as her words tumbled out in a rush. "I'm never leaving you alone. I'm going to bug you when you are upset and hiding something...and follow you around when you are sad...and... I'm not leaving you alone ever again. You can drink and do what you want...but I'll be there with you."

If he wanted to...or well, felt he needed to...drink he could drink with her...

Before Masaru had the chance to dwell on those words further, which would have leaked into...possible embarrassment, Mia continued speaking.

His eyes widened slightly, and perhaps his face tinted a bit at Mia's words. She...If he was ever sad or upset...she was...

A smile appeared soon after her words had sunk in, a small nod following; "Alright, I will...definitely do my best at not hiding things, but...if you feel I am...do that. That would...make me happy too..."

Mia tried not to smile as Masaru's eyes widened a bit, he wasn't expecting anything like that...was he? He...was so silly at times. Mia leaned up, her hand slipping from his neck and moving to his forehead to brush away his bangs so she could kiss his forehead softly. "Its a promise then."

Still her happy smile faded just a bit and she...gulped slightly. Her eyes glancing to the side for a moment, when they came back to Masaru's they were determined. "I-I know... I never ask...because it was painful for you... But... I'm here if you want to tell me things...or talk about it."

She would be, she'd listen and no matter how much it made her want to cry and pull him close she'd accept it. He had lived through it after all, she just was hearing about it.

Remaining still as Mia brushed aside his bangs, Masaru's smile remained as he felt her place a kiss on his forehead before agreeing on the promise.

Though...it wasn't long after that action that he noticed Mia's own smile fade. She seemed nervous...? That nervousness, he assumed she'd had, was lost as their eyes met again, replaced with determination.

That...

"Is there...anything specific you'd like to know...?" He questioned, it wasn't something they normally talked about, she never asked as she'd just said...

"Mm...I don't...know." Mia thought for a moment, made a sound and then shook her head as she settled back against Masaru again. Resting her head under his neck, she cuddled right up to him as if she could soothe away the memories with her own body. Maybe if she crawled onto his lap? Hm...

"I don't know where to start asking...you never...told me any details so I thought you never wanted to talk about it ever... And before I didn't think it was right to bug you..." She left the unspoken reason of 'but now we are rather serious...' hang in the air. Mia refused to bother him over this but if he wanted to speak of it, she wanted to hear. Maybe she could help him share the pain...

"Well..." As Mia settled back against him comfortably, Masaru thought; "It began shortly after my mother died...I believe I've mentioned that, I think...My father became distant after that...and things began changing...

I don't really recall the exact moment when...the...beatings began, but...it was after my room had been moved, and I'd been beginning to be kept from meals at times... He just seemed to get...angrier, it was easier to set him off...before, I'd don't believe I'd ever seen him mad before then, but..."

He went silent again, thinking once more on what more to say; "In hindsight...a lot of the instances that happened then explain some traits about me now... I had always enjoyed cooking, I'd had fun with Setsuna when I was a child with baking...but... I felt the need to truly learn and do more than just baking once I was kept from meals... so I made my food, and ate in private... The reason I...am uncomfortable with closed spaces with no windows is due to my old room; it wasn't that much smaller than any other room here...so there was that, but...other than the door there was no way out...so...

I think...the reasons he did those things, was so that he wouldn't have to see me as much...we wouldn't encounter each other as often..."

He felt...he was just rambling now, but... Mia wanted him to talk about these things, and she was unsure about questions...since this was something they rarely touched on... He'd never shared actual details before now...

His hand was still in her hair, teasing it gently...already knowing that by explaining this it wouldn't produce and happy results...

Mia listened intently, her hands clenching in Masaru's hair softly and on his clothes as she winced. His mother had died and...sent his father into some sort of spiral down...

Beatings...shortly after...he was kept from food... Mia shook lightly with both rage and sadness. Not...Masaru... why him? Why had he had to go through this?

As he began to explain how that influenced him, she gave a short nod. "When you..said before. I thought that it must have been, the room... the room detail. So cooking did too... So that you could... eat..."

She wouldn't cry over this! She refused. The woman gave a soft sniffle, relaxed mostly because of the hand teasing her hair. Was it more soothing for her or him? If he could be soothing her in return, was he getting soothed like she did?

"...So...you resemble her? Y-Your mother that is..." Mia wondered why he had taken his grief out on Masaru...shouldn't the child of your love be the one you adore most? Was it some sort of horrible reminder to the man? She hated Mamoru for what he had done. Hated...but it didn't mean she didn't want to understand. And she wanted to know more... more about his family. More about everything. "What was she like...do you remember?"

Her voice was still quivering a bit, her eyes all teared up but she hid it against his bare chest. He might feel them but she was fine like this. Mia could be strong! She wanted to be at least.

"The room had...negative influence, but...while having to do the cooking to...eat for myself was bad, I did enjoy it...so that...wasn't all too bad..."

He was...trying to find something good to think about, even though...none of it really was. He really loved cooking, enjoyed it immensely and loved being able to make things for not only himself, but for others as well...

He'd...always enjoyed it...

When Mia brought up his mother, asking that...he gave a nod; "I do, one of the more defining traits would be the eyes, her's were the same color...my father's were green; I think...we shared similar personality traits as well... I think...having me around just...hurt too much, it reminded him too much of her..."

He still remembered...some things, "She wasn't a shinigami like my father, but just a woman of nobility; they loved each other though, they were really close...whenever it was the three of us we were happy.

She was...really kind, she was only strict when she needed to be...like with the medicine...but she never let me be alone for long, she'd always watch me when I was learning how to use kido, and practice with wooden swords that...might have been a bit too big for me at the time, and always spend time with me... She taught me about stars and constellations too, pointing them out...she liked those things..."

"...Its okay for it to have been bad Masa." Mia murmured to him, knowing the man was trying to convince himself of that. Masaru was looking for silver linings to soothe them both, but... in this... it wasn't right to.

Though...she herself... never actually said... really anything about what had happened... She was as hypocritical as she did the same thing.

"I'm glad you love cooking though... You are really good and I love eating the food you make! Especially your curry bowls... and the pork bowl..." He was a good cook, so she could at least appreciate that and remind him. Though thoughts of the pork bowl made her mouth water just a bit...

Hearing about her eyes caused the woman to pull back slightly and look up. Her hand went up to his face as she gave a soft smile. "Your pretty eyes are your mom's then."

She blushed very slightly at that but then her smile was replaced by a frown. "Mmm. Still...not..."

It wasn't forgivable to her...just because Masaru reminded him of her didn't mean he had the right to. Ever.

Mia though listened to the small descriptions of his mother with a smile once more, wanting to hear more... "She sounded like the best mom... You practiced kido as a kid? What did you learn about stars? Did you spend a lot of time looking up at them? Did she teach you how to sing a bit too then?"

Wondering if he got tucked in at night and kisses...or her to play with him with his favorite toys...or being read or sung to to sleep... He had learned the song from her at least. The one he had in turn taught to her...

Masaru quieted as Mia spoke, telling him it was alright for it to have been bad...and just bad. He was looking for silver linings, he knew...trying to come up with things to add some positivity, but...

He...pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind, putting his focus on Mia again as she brought up his cooking.

She seemed...

Masaru gave a chuckle; "After this...how about we head to the kitchen?"

His smile remained as she brought up his eyes; they were his mother's, that was right...

At the following questions, Masaru wanted to chuckle at how many Mia had thought of to ask, but he'd answer every one of them.

"I did, it was thought best to start my training at a young age. My mother taught me where all the constellations were, their names...all sorts of things... I often looked up at them, before and after she passed. She did, I had music lessons at a young age as well...singing was included, but she mostly did it with me for fun...I had actual instructors on such things as well..."

"Mmm...sure." Mia nodded, happy to hear Masaru's small laugh. She was smiling softly and leaned up to kiss him...before stopping and teasing. "But only if you make pork bowls..."

She would withhold all kisses until she got that promise!

Pork bowls were really good...

Hearing Masaru's words, Mia gave a tiny nod as her head didn't move away from his. "It is...better. Your dad was strong...like my Papa. I-I needed that training but... didn't get it till I got here. So you might have started...freezing things like I burnt things."

She knew better than most how vital training like that could be to keep your powers checked. Still though, now Mia had a better idea of how many things Masaru had learned and it was quite...interesting. Singing, music... "So you were trained to sing... Mm, I know a few constellations but not a lot... Tonight we should sit outside a bit and you can show me which ones I don't know on your porch."

Mia would make more memories with him, happy ones with those things... She wanted to fill him up with happiness! Make him so happy he'd just be unable to stand it!

Masaru expected that Mia moving, leaning in like she was, meant she was about to kiss him but...

She stopped?

His attention was on her words as she spoke, and he couldn't help but let out a chuckle.

"Alright, I'll make that." That would be the plan then. They would head to the kitchen and make pork bowls again to enjoy.

He quieted once more as Mia began talking again; it was true...had he not have been made to start training at such a young age, there was a risk he could have started doing that...

"We can do that later tonight as well, it should be fun. I'll point out any constellations I see...if you have trouble seeing them, I can help with that too."

When he'd had trouble, his mother would take his hand and trace them out with his finger after pointing it towards the sky, it made things much easier... so if Mia had trouble seeing certain ones, he could do the same.

Mia smiled and listened, happy Masaru would make the pork bowls again though she felt selfish...but it had been a while! She really loved his, he added just the right amount of spices... He'd tried to show her what he did, but she couldn't get it to taste just like his...

She waited until he finished speaking of the constellations, curious about what he could do to help before her lips finally pressed against his. She had wanted to kiss him for a while now, a soothing and loving kiss... to let him know she would be here... Mia wanted to share her feelings but before it'd been so solemn... and important...

As Mia finally leaned in, Masaru responded to the kiss as their lips connected; the kiss was soothing...nice after all they'd been discussing.

They had a good plan for the day then; they would enjoy some home-made pork bowls in the kitchen soon, and then later tonight they'd sit outside under the starlight. It sounded nice, and he had no doubts it would be.