A Talk Well Had

"It will... I just need to recover a bit. I-It'd be best to do it in person too. I wouldn't want to tell him just...just over the phone." Mia murmured, feeling bad now for just not telling Shinya but neither of them had known at all that the other might be related to spiritual things. It was just hard to outright bring up if you had no idea.

"Y-Yeah. Seemed like it was, was hard even when I tried to lift your cheeks up... Hahaha, that's okay though. You're really happy now, though even if you didn't smile lots I'd still love you tons." Mia wanted off the subject of her father and decided to change it to something else that was also important. She gave a sheepish grin and pulled Masaru's robe a bit over her in just nervousness. "I-I guess you got to see how Mom was... She wasn't really a bad person, she's just... she's just a really bad mom. She honestly shouldn't have ever had a kid, but she did love me. Just...really loved her shinies and men a bit more. Though she did try to share her little baubles with me, so I guess I was about equal? Hahah..."

She wanted to tell Kaimu that she had seen the dad her uncle had died... But... did he really need those? The memory thing brought all that stuff back to the surface again, would he be okay if he remember that day vividly?

She...she was fine with remembering burning a house down. It wasn't like she'd ever even gotten close to forgetting...

"Right, after you've recovered it'll be good for you to speak in person..." Recovery came first, Mia needed her rest and obviously...everything she'd seen had taken its toll.

He would be around if she needed him, and...so would Shirakawa.

Her words caused him to laugh; she'd tried to lift his cheeks up to get a smile? She still loved him lots though~! That was something to be happy about!

When she brought up her mother, his smile fell a bit, but he nodded.

"She cares...I saw that before I had to leave, it...was a relief to see that at least. I had been worrying. I was...angered by the way you were being treated...wished I could do more than I had..."

He'd wanted to, but there hadn't been anything he could do. All he could do was sit by her and reassure her as well as he could manage.

"I meant that...Mia, none of it was your fault." He stated, his tone serious, but warm. "It...might be hard for you to see or accept, but...it wasn't. You had no way of knowing control over those powers... You were too young to learn such control in the first place...

Had Kuroshi had more...outward abilities I could call forth, well... I would have gone through similar problems, but I knew what was happening when I started developing my own abilities... and I was a great deal older... You were young, you had no idea..."

It wasn't her fault...

He'd wanted to say this...wanted to say this to the adult Mia he knew...that had more understanding... Convincing a child of such things, no matter how hard he tried...especially after that fire...

He hoped though...that Mia now could...see that...see the logic behind his words...

"You didn't mean to do any of it...you couldn't control it..." Had he been there...he could have really taught her to...but...

Mia felt better that Kaimu approved, she was worried he might say no... and worry... If Kaimu and Masaru didn't approve it'd be hard for her to be able to. They both could find ways to keep her overprotected from the man.

Not expecting Kaimu to say that, the woman's relief shown on her face as she gave a small smile. "I-I'm glad you don't...don't hate you. Or dislike her after that. I mean... I know you two aren't... I know I was kind of a major accident and all... but if my parents hated each other I think that'd be worse than just... Just worse than being indifferent. W-We worked it out a few decades ago, or I did... S-So I don't need protecting or anything now."

"And...its okay. It's really okay. I mean...its not your fault at al-" Mia cut off from her assurances, turning red and looking down. Her body withdrew in on itself as she pulled Masaru's robes over her head and around her body. No... it was her fault... she hadn't had control but...she should have gone. She should have gone...

"I should have left papa. I should have left... when I started... I shouldn't have stayed. It was all my fault... I-I can't...can't accept it." Shaking her head strongly, the young woman just cowered and curled up around her legs while the rest of her began shaking. "I-I didn't mean it but it happened! I burned so much stuff... It was all me..."

Her ability to stay calm and not freak out over the bubbles was quickly fading at Kaimu's much wanted, but unable to be accepted words. It had been her fault... It was her power!

"It's alright, I don't hate her..." Mia understood that, but Kaimu wanted to be sure; he had been concerned with...the treatment Mia had gotten, but seeing her mother worrying over her did give him some reassurance.

It wasn't a perfect situation by far, but she had still been cared for.

He gave a sigh as Mia denied his words, it was expected...it wasn't something that was so easily acceptable to her, he knew...but...

"You shouldn't have just left, that... It's the Rukon, your survival chances would have been slim to none even with your abilities. Leaving was out of the question, it wasn't your fault and I don't want to hear any talk of 'It would have been better if you'd left no matter the risks.' I don't want to hear any of that...

It wasn't something you could have helped. I know it's hard to accept, and you probably won't...but... It wasn't."

He could likely say it over and over...

"Just because they were your abilities, it still doesn't make it your fault. Did you want to burn all those things? No. Could you control it? No. Were you afraid? Yes. Did you feel bad about it? Were you upset? Yes... Not your fault..."

Mia was relieved, more than she wished to admit... Even if her parents would never be together or never really... be anything more than the fact that they both had made her... It didn't hurt. She was happy to just have them both, and as long as there was no hate...she could live happily and with no problems.

"..." Kaimu's words didn't help and she cowered more, shaking her head. Wounds she had hoped to keep just buried and ignored until they healed were just... hurting now, throbbing... That five year old little girl still lived inside of her and was scared even if it had helped...

"I-If I'd made Mom send me off when I first started...o-or if I ran to the Seireitei... I-it was better than... better than staying and hurting them all..." Mia got out but then clammed up. If Kaimu didn't want her to say it was better to have risked it, she wouldn't... She would just be silent...

She wasn't worth really anything, not people's happiness at least. If she could change things...if she could stop or fix things she would. Mia knew that... But saying it to Kaimu would just hurt him. It would just hurt him to know she'd been there that day too. The woman just let herself cry silently into the blanket... shaking her head.

"Leaving would have hurt people too..." Mia was all bundled up, and hiding, but Kaimu let his hand rest on top of the buried lump that was his daughter in an attempt at comfort.

She'd...been through a lot, and her feelings would...likely never change on this, he'd said his piece. He'd tried...at least...

"It's alright... I'll stop now." If she'd tried to run, and leave...people would have been hurt too. His heart wasn't as big as Mia's was though, so it was hard for him...to really see her side of things.

She was a better person than he was, and that wasn't a bad thing. He just wished...

"I'll stop..."

It would have hurt people less, Mia wanted to scream. Kaimu's attempt at comfort helped but not enough as her fake strength from earlier faded. Masaru had gone soon after soothing her as best he could... Her bundle was just a quivering mess now.

"I-If I could have... I would have stopped it... it wouldn't let... me... I tried to get you to go... I tried to get you to stop it... it wouldn't let me... I would have fixed that too Papa... Even if I disappeared..." Mia muttered to herself mostly, lost in her own thoughts and horror it seemed now... "Even if I was gone...you would have had them... and then...you could have still had Lakshmi... M-Maybe sooner..."

Why had she had to see all that? She'd seen her uncle... Only to have him die... "I would...have saved you...and Masa... I wanted to help you both and...and I was useless... Why did Uncle go crazy...you could have been happy... you wouldn't have had to pretend...:

Hn?

Kaimu blinked down at Mia as she began speaking, wondering what she was talking about. Would have stopped...the fires? No... That was already a point that was made. Of course she would have stopped them if she'd been able to...

They were on...a different subject now.

She'd tried to stop it, tried to get...him to stop it...? She would have fixed...

Even if she'd have dis-

"Don't say that."

Before he could get anymore out, her muttering continued; had them...had Lakshmi sooner...?

She'd...

At the mention of Tatsuo, his eyes widened; that's what... His hand froze, well...he froze. She'd seen that...

Kaimu clamped his eyes shut, remembering slightly; it was fuzzy but... Mia...had...

"....D-Don't..." He voice came out a bit shaky after a moment; "Don't say...you would rather disappear... I-I don't want...to hear that... There wasn't...anything that could have been done...

I tried... I tried, so... so don't..."

S-She'd seen it herself...how he'd reacted... He didn't want to hear talk of her not minding...disappearing in attempts to stop it. He absolutely did not.

"But...its true... If I could have stopped all that... I knew it was a risk. I knew me trying... Whatever it was wouldn't let me... I wanted you to go, you didn't listen...it was impossible for you to. I wanted my father to have his family back... I don't care if it meant I would be gone... You'd have them and never have to even think about me." Mia's voice was soft but almost...deadly in its softness. It was a voice of someone who was not entirely...entirely okay at the moment. She didn't seem to notice Kaimu's distress, the dam of words broken by her admission.

"I had a chance to help you...I failed... I deserve to disappear now..." She couldn't stop it, it had happened... Why had she gone back there then!? Why had she been taken there!? Only to see that? That awful and horrific thing... To get her father away? WHY!? "What good had it done?! Me being there did NOTHING! Why... why was... why did I go back... and not get to stop it... Why... I should have done more...tossed myself in front of him...something..."

"..."

Again, Kaimu's eyes clamped shut as Mia continued speaking; he...she didn't need to think like this...

Nothing...Nothing could have been done, whatever had caused this...had purposely made it that way. He wished...he could have been able to change things when he'd experienced this...but now...now he...

...If it meant Mia wanting to risk...

Slowly he shook his head, his eyes still not having opened, that was...until she continued on.

"Don't say that!" His voice wasn't happy in the slightest, upset...more than upset... "D-Don't ever say that! You don't deserve... You're my family too! Don't... Don't you get that? ...Maybe my memories would have been altered... Maybe I wouldn't have remembered... But that's not the case...

I'm tired, Mia...

I'm tired... I'm tired of losing... I can't... I can't lose you too, so don't think that way... Don't...

S...W-What do you think Shi...Shirakawa would say if he heard you...talking like this...? You have...so many people that care about you... W-What would any of them say...if they heard you talking like this...?"

What had happened in the past had happened! It'd hurt, it'd hurt more than he could possibly even begin to explain, but... hearing Mia talk like this...

He ignored the water in his eyes, ignored it outright...not that he cared; he wasn't above crying when he was upset...

She didn't need to talk like this...

"D...Don't blame yourself...for things you couldn't have helped... Don't... don't..."

"Y-You barely know me! I've only been around... around a short time... whats those memories to theirs? To them?" Mia forced out, curling in on herself more and more. If she could become smaller, she would... She wasn't worth all those memories... That cry... that cry he had made over them, it had killed her. Kaimu hadn't deserved any of that... He had deserved happiness... He wouldn't have been losing her... he couldn't have, if he'd never had her in the first place.

And she was making him more upset with her words... She'd make them all upset if they heard her... He was right...

"I-I'm sorry Papa. I'll...be quiet now..." Mia's voice was still that soft and lost tone... But she fell silent. If...she kept saying things... she would cause him to be upset... She was to blame for the moment... It was...it was hard for her to not think that.

She was his family... But...but wouldn't it be better to have his real family back? No...she couldn't say that... Masaru would have been fine too... Everyone would have... If only she could have fixed it.

Maybe she hadn't been avoiding telling Kaimu not... not to avoid bringing up his memories, but maybe to avoid her feelings on this. Maybe she had been hiding from herself more than anything else... her own guilt.

"Wh...What the hell does that matter!? Barely... You're..." She was his daughter! What the hell did it matter if they hadn't known each other that long!? "Do...Do you have any idea...any...idea how I felt shortly after we met...?

I was shocked at first, I was but... I was happy, I was so happy... I hadn't lost everything. I still had family, you were there... I wasn't alone...

You saw... You saw how I reacted when I lost... I would react the same way if that had been you I'd lost... No matter how little we know each other! I would be just as devastated! I would've cried just as much! I would have screamed...just as much! ...ch..."

Just because they hadn't known each other as long... That didn't matter!

His hand moved up to his face, using the back of it to shield his eyes; whether she saw or not...he didn't care...

That... that managed to pierce her shell of stubbornness just a bit. Mia jolted at his words... She was silent for a few moments... Alone...not alone anymore... Papa had been, Kaimu had been alone. He had been all alone... If it wasn't for Mia and Lakshmi, Norma... he would have had no one in the world. Mia was his only family now... though Lakshmi was probably family now too...

That poked a hole through that stubborn shell, logic... pushing aside some of her miserable words. If he lost her... if he lost her he would hurt just as much...

A choking sob shook her before she threw her arms back and lifted herself up. He didn't need to hurt, she was hurting him right now over stupid what ifs that she couldn't... couldn't do anything about. Instead she tossed herself at her father, her arms wrapping around him as she buried her face against his shoulder and hugged him.

"Don't cry Papa. I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." Mia sobbed, arms tightening around Kaimu as her shell of blankets and robes fell away. "I won't go away... I won't...go away... I won't disappear. I promise...I-I'll make sure!"

Kaimu was caught up in his thoughts, his emotions, not noticing Mia move before it was too late; a choked gasp escaped him as she suddenly embraced him, but it only took him a moment before he returned her embrace.

His hold was a bit tight, but not enough to hurt; he was shaking just slightly as he sucked in a breath.

"...Don't...ever think you don't mean much to me...just because we haven't known each other as long..."

She was family... Family was the only damn reason he was even here...

"If it weren't for...for you and Lakshmi...me being here wouldn't mean a damn thing... I'm only here for all of you..."

Mia felt some small measure of relief at Kaimu's hold, clinging to him just as tightly and continuing to cry into his shoulder. She... she nodded softly against him, her hands clenching on his yukata. "I-I...don't know much about this... S-So I worry that...because you never...never got to see me... that... J-Just you might not...love me as much. I-I guess... I-It's not...not often..."

It...she rarely worried about it but at times like this... She felt herself less worthy, less able to accept his love. His just utterly given, unattached love. Just because he messed up one night...she was someone he would love unequivocally.

Her father had the biggest heart in some ways. His shaking...his crying...those choked sounds...

"I-I know... you didn't have to but you came for us... I-I'm happy! I am..." Her sobbing wasn't very convincing, but she was happy that...despite how much Kaimu had never wanted to return, he had for them. He had gotten his freedom and come back to make sure he was there for them. She...what was she thinking wanting to disappear... it wouldn't fix a damn thing.

"Don't...Don't ever think that... You're wrong..." Kaimu answered, shaking his head slightly; that was ridiculous... Of course he loved her, she was one of the most important people in the world to him...

Just because they hadn't known each other as long didn't mean he loved her any less than any other person in his family!

He came back for them, nothing else... He just wanted to be with them, he wanted to be there for them...

"You're just as important to me... Just as important to me as anyone else... Tatsu... Haruki... Shiori... You're just as important as them, n-never doubt that..."

"I'll try...I won't..." Mia's crying slowed, but her hold didn't loosen one bit. Her dad really loved her so much, this was much more than she was ever expecting from him. Unlike her mother...so much unlike that woman she loved but...knew the faults of.

The shinigami was so happy, she'd always...always wanted her father to love her so much more to make up for her mother... But she had always assumed the man might be similar, she hadn't wanted to hope they were different. It was too much if she did find him one day to have that hope.

His words soothed all her hurts and other than her hold on him, she smiled against him before her mouth admitting something she hadn't...hadn't really thought she'd felt before this. But was there... lurking. "A-As much as...Lakshmi?"

She shouldn't think those things! She...She was promising...she would try not to... He didn't want her thinking such things, that she was less important...

She was just as important!

"As much as Lakshmi..." Kaimu gave a small nod, answering Mia's question as he continued to hold on to her. She was just as important...

She was just as important... Nothing would ever change that...

Nothing...

Mia's hold loosened a bit as she began to let go of Kaimu, obviously relaxing at his words. She...might have been worried since he'd...he'd... he'd so quickly and firmly attached to that woman. That cousin of Masaru's... It hadn't been obvious to her, but there was worry there that the brief time she had spent with her father was... was.... going to be pushed aside in favor of his love for the other woman.

"O-Okay... I'm sorry I've been... so... I just...was worried... I didn't get a chance... a chance to get to know you and you never told me you... you liked her... s-so... I'm sorry for that too... I-I thought... I think I thought... y-you just trusted her more and... loved her more..." Mia let the worries she never even let herself admit in her own head out, spilling them in a just ramble but with no more outright sobs or crying.

That was over at least... She felt better than she had in a while.

"I love you just as much... Y-You don't ever have to worry about that... You mean just as much to me... Mia..."

There were things he couldn't say to her...certain things still kept secret, but... it wasn't because he didn't want her knowing things... He just wasn't facing those things himself yet...

He needed to accept some things himself...first...

"You don't...have to worry...about whether I love...or trust Lakshmi more... I love you both the same, you're both important...more i-important than I can...even properly explain..."

He loved them both...

"Okay Papa..." Mia smiled softly as she pulled back, wanting to wipe her eyes and doing so on the sleeves of Masaru's robe. "I won't be worried. O-Or I'll try not to. I-Its hard, its so new. All of this is. S-So I'll just have to practice and get used to it!"

More of her usual stubborn spunk was returning as she tried to reassure Kaimu, happier than she had been for a long period of time. He loved her so much! He was...he was the best father... They had a lot of things to work out but she just smiled sweetly and a twinge innocently up at Kaimu.

Her hand went up and she patted his head softly, wanting to just stop being sad and upset for a little bit and trying her hardest to be so. It would... it was taking too much energy to be upset and she was unsteady...

Kaimu nodded, giving a small smile to Mia as he wiped his own eyes. It was...easier now that they'd gotten that out...

He was...still hiding things, but...and other things...

"When...when we met it was a shock...to see all that was already going on with you, it...it's nobody's fault... I'd missed a lot; I act strange...around Shirakawa, I know...b-but I've already said this...but...since we're talking...

I don't want you to think I dislike him, I don't... It was..."

That was one thing he wanted to reassure her on, how he acted...

After things it just...wasn't easy to really interact, so... He didn't...do the choke hold thing anymore...he'd stopped that awhile ago...

He wanted Mia to know that though... wanted to reassure her...because he knew how he acted may not...give that reassurance...

"And...there are things...that... I can't quite tell you about yet, but... but I will; there's some things that have to be worked out first... It's nothing bad... I swear..."

At least...a little forewarning... He couldn't tell her yet, but...

Mia's confusion at Kaimu's words, something about it was no one's fault and that things had already gone on...? was quickly replaced with a rather warm smile and happy glow. She was relieved. She was utterly relieved, she had an idea he didn't hate him but just...just it was hard. Hard for him to know what to do or how to act...

It was probably just as hard for Masaru too, Mia bet. She reached up and patted Kaimu's head almost like he would do to soothe her and she tilted her head in addition to that action. There were other things...he couldn't tell her just yet and she blinked but then nodded. "That's...That's fine I guess. I wish you could...could trust me more. But... I guess I can wait too. About whatever it is."

With that settled though, even if her curiosity was burning, she moved onto the other topic with a bit of pleasure.

"And...About Masa... I mean its okay. I'm really happy, really happy you don't hate him though. I know you told me before but... But I worry. I really really love him Papa. He's...the best person I know. With the biggest heart and I just... I just want everyone to see it. See how awkward and silly he can be, that poor tree hasn't recovered." Mia's smile sweetened as she thought about Masaru, an obvious change as her eyes grew a bit foggy. She was...thinking of him now and not the bad things, it made her shine more and more. "I could tell you all sorts of silly stories about him if you want? He's... a prince, but its... Well honestly, between you and me, he reminds me of those fluffy red pandas. Just...just there's this one that was eating? And someone stomped at it? And it fell over and looked like it was screaming in fear before rolling on its back a few times."

Mia was sharing with her father a grave secret, glad to just latch onto these sorts of topics... It was better than before... And maybe if she shared these things with Kaimu he would feel...maybe less awkward?

"Aa...a... It's not that I don't trust you!" Kaimu quickly cut in, shaking his head just after he'd felt pats at his head; "I-It's just...there are some things to work through before... I trust you completely, I swear you'll know though in time!"

He and Lakshmi just had to get out of denial first...ahaha... First step, accepting you're in denial...right? Aha...

Kaimu quieted as Mia seemed to start thinking of other things, now that Shirakawa had been brought up.

He had wanted to reassure her, and he was glad he had been able to. It was awkward for the both of them... That might be true...

Shirakawa cared about her immensely, he could see that... and seeing Mia this happy just to talk about the man, her feelings were quite obvious.

He gave a light chuckle when she brought up the red panda, he'd never seen one in reality, but...it was a silly animal, from what Mia described...

"If you'd like, I'm here to listen...?" It seemed like Mia would feel better talking about this as well, so he would listen if she wanted to share these things.

"Okay... I'll always listen and I am good at keeping secrets but... Mm if its that... That like unsettled..." Mia wasn't sure what to say, Kaimu's reassurance made her smile and feel loved and trusted but... Well maybe it was something really complicated? That would make sense... "I'll wait till you can tell me! I can't promise I won't still feel a little bad then though."

She knew she might still be upset when he told her, whatever it was, since he'd been keeping it from her... Mia shared all she thought of. If she hadn't been moved in immediately she would have gone straight to him and told him when they had gone back after the mini-vacation.

Still Kaimu seemed amused and interested, and if there was one topic she could ramble about that wasn't video games, books or sewing... It was Masaru and how sweet he was. Sitting back with the air of one who wasn't allowed much chance to vent, Mia's eyes sparkled as she began to relate tales of Masaru's sweetness. "Well he can't fold clothes at all... It all ends up a messy pile, so he pretends he's good at housework by hanging it all up! And... he likes to make me pork bowls for breakfast, since he found out its a favorite of mine. And then there was when we first met... He fell out of a tree! I'm sure I told you but it was...it was really silly.

I was delivering a cake and Zomi had sneaked out the gate, I was talking to her and instead of just coming out he climbed a tree by the gate to see what we were up to! And then he broke the branch after saying it was totally fine! He fell on his butt and scared us, so I rushed in and just... He had the sweetest smile so I ran away scared."

Mia was blushing as her hands came up to her cheeks. "I was really scared of him so I... I wanted to write him a letter, since I left a cake there for them and they made me a cake in return. They didn't know I didn't like sweets but I ate as much of it as I could! Masa never...never tried to bother Zomi and I when I came over to see her, she was lonely... He just watched. He...he was always, always careful... Even Captain got pushy sometimes, but Masaru always wanted me to open up on my own terms. S-So I felt relaxed and he always made sure I was welcome.

H-He didn't tell me about his father until that...that... day we started...dating... B-But he hid in a cocoon of blankets for three days! Three days! I had to go in there and yell at him to get him out! He hadn't really ever had too many friends, so he was so terrified of losing me that...that he'd broken down. He...I guess he knew he liked me more and thought it scared me away, and I was nervous but... Masaru was more afraid of losing my friendship and was prepared to just never allow himself to feel anything about me like that as long as we could just stay that way."

Mia...was rambling about Masaru, but it was clear she was utterly enraptured in the man. She was practically glowing with pride and happiness...