Old Memories

"T...Tatsuo...After he left...asked me if...if his dad...didn't love us all anymore... I...I had to answer that...I had to stand there...and try to explain that to him..."

Kaimu was barely managing to speak straight, his words coming out somewhat muffled due to Lakshmi's clothes. He was crying, crying in front of Lakshmi...

"My mother...is dead because of him... He left..." He muttered; "Why...Why is he still here... Why is he still here when they're not!? It...It's not fair...It's...It's not...It's not..."

Why was he still walking around...going around to shops...enjoying meals with fuck knows who and living his life!?

Lakshmi's body shook lightly with the effort of dealing with that revelation. Kaimu was...broken up so badly he was actually... For once, giving details on how he felt and had felt. He'd had to explain to his little brother...tell him that... that his father didn't anymore? Lie to him? How... in the hell could a child be forced to have to ask that question and another child be forced to try and explain!?

On top of that, Kaimu was not full on crying. This wasn't a few tears... Lakshmi's hold was secure as she kept him to her, not caring his voice was muffled in the least.

His mother...his family...

As Kaimu repeated how unfair it was, her heart shattered. He kept all this in, he kept all of this in and bore it alone... She squeezed him and continued to hold him close as it was all she could do. Just listen... listen and hold him as he got it all out. "Th-They say...cockroaches will survive...even an apocalypse in the living world..."

Her only comment was a half choked and broken up saying that she had heard once, knowing it'd be no help but... That man was vile... How had he lived so long out here!? He was pure trash...

A few sobs escaped, unable to stop them from coming out now that he'd gone into at least some detail. It wasn't fair...how he was still around...yet they'd...

It wasn't fair...

A cockroach? ...If he was that...couldn't someone just step on him?

Kaimu wasn't able to respond to her words with that thought, unable to gather his voice now that he'd let it out.

He'd...always said he wouldn't know what to do, or how he'd react if he was faced with that man...but...back then there was always that chance that he just...that he really might have already died, that there wouldn't be that chance...

...The fates had obviously failed him in that... It was like a sick punch to the gut. Here he was...recovering, finally patching up those old wounds, making new memories with the family he'd made...and then he showed up...

Lakshmi hurt so much from the sounds he was making, Kaimu was actually sobbing... He was not only crying, but sobbing. How did she deal with this!? How in the hell did she help him?!

She couldn't really, there was no way but to hold him close and gently caress his head. It had been forever since he had felt this hurt, it was obvious. His woulds and barely healed scars just torn open, that hate reigniting them all.

That mask of his was shattered for now and their food grew cold, but still she held Kaimu to her and offered him the best comfort she could... There was nothing to be said that wouldn't be contrite soothings and it wasn't as if he didn't deserve this. He was allowed his moments of weakness, and his feelings... Especially ones like this.

Kaimu continued on like that for a good while longer, but eventually the sobs became less frequent, and soon after the sounds of crying faded into silent tears. He stayed where he was, remained in Lakshmi's hold until he was sure the tears themselves had stopped before he finally pulled back.

His arm immediately went to his face as if to shield it as he wiped his tears and face on the long sleeve of his yukata.

Obviously he wasn't that much better, he'd just exhausted the crying and couldn't do so anymore.

Once he felt he'd cleaned his face up enough, his eyes went to the now chilled food; it'd gotten cold...

"Warm it...with kido?" He suggested, still not making much if any eye contact at all.

Lakshmi had...been looking forward to the food though, he knew... Had to be able to warm it up for it to be enjoyable though...

Lakshmi wished she knew what to say or do to help him, but perhaps this was what Kaimu needed most right now? She had no true idea, but all she could do was continue her comforting gestures and hold to remind him she was here for him and she loved him.

As his sobs slowed and faded away, still Kaimu held onto her and Lakshmi ignored all minor discomforts as she kept him held securely until he was ready. Once he moved to pull away though, she loosened her hold and allowed him his privacy as he hide his face and wiped away his tears...

She waited until he spoke to look back up, eyes still glistening with her own tears before she pulled back the long sleeves of her hanfu and gently took a hold of Kaimu's cheeks. Closing her eyes, she turned his head back to hers before she leaned up on her knees and softly planted a kiss on his lips.

If he didn't wish her to see him like this, Lakshmi would give him this and keep her eyes shut for him even as she only pulled back slightly. "In a bit, I'm sure we can reheat some of it... I don't mind cold food. Remember all the times you have to replace my cold coffee and even colder lunches?"

Kaimu's response was slow, but after a moment he responded to the kiss; he hadn't wanted her to see him like he was...not with his face all tear-soaked and puffy...

He'd gotten it mostly wiped off though, aside from the puffiness of his eyes that would remain there he'd gotten it dry at least before she'd leaned up to kiss him.

After she pulled away some and spoke to him, his response was quiet.

"s'Better warm...at least..." She was fine with cold food, but still...it was always much better hot, at least the foods they'd gotten.

Really, his slow response to the kiss told her more than anything else...

Lakshmi lifted her fingers to Kaimu's eyes after a few moments, opening her own only to see how puffed up and red they were. Well, it wasn't as if she was low on energy so expending it on minor spells was quite acceptable to her for the man's security.

In fact, mental health was quite important and if it was something that bothered Kaimu, then she would give him his security. Fingers touching his lids, Lakshmi sent healing energy in a minor spell to remove inflammation from his poor mismatched eyes.

"I am sure it is. If it makes you feel better, I will attempt to use my glorious and perfect control of kido to heat up our lunch." Her voice was quiet, only the most minor of teasings in it. Really, she was trying to focus his attention on something other than the awful memories that must be attempting to drown him. "A most gorgeous and genius oven."

Kaimu's eyes fell shut as Lakshmi's hand moved up towards his eyes, feeling her hands on his lids as she summoned a spell to remove the signs that told he'd been crying. Felt...better to have that gone, his face at least looked normal now, though it was missing the smile he usually kept plastered on, but it was a good sign.

He wasn't hiding right now.

For now, he gave a small nod to Lakshmi's words as he attempted to force his attention to stay on the food. It needed heating, and then Lakshmi could eat more like she'd wanted...

"...I am your family now Kai. Mia and I and even Masaru." Lakshmi spoke softly, barely above a whisper at this point as her fingers left Kaimu's eyelids. They trailed down his cheeks before sliding down his neck as she wrapped her arms loosely around him. Her head leaned down to his shoulder, unable to help herself right now... Even if he wanted her to eat, she didn't feel like she could with him in this state...

Her eyes had definitely taken in that lack of a smile, which at least was better than him faking it, but really the man was too broken up right now for her to keep up pretenses of attempted normalcy. She couldn't heat up the food, she couldn't just eat and pretend nothing happened like he wanted... "We won't leave you, we won't even leave you. That parasite lives, but we do too and so do you."

"You'll never be alone, never, as long as I am here." Strong words, but she would never leave him if she could help it. Kaimu would never be left alone again... "You have more family now... And they'll never stop being your family either, we can't replace them... But we are also here for you."

Lakshmi, Mia...even...even Shirkawa...

Kaimu's expression didn't change as Lakshmi moved to lean on him, but he was hearing her words.

They were...They were his family now, he wasn't alone...they weren't just going to...to disappear on him, they wouldn't leave him... They were his family now, and they always would be...

Kaimu's arms returned to Lakshmi, lightly settling around her before they became somewhat secure after a few moments, as what she was saying sunk in further.

Lakshmi hoped she was getting through to him, otherwise what could she do? Kaimu's hold secured after a few moments and she settled herself onto his lap as best she could. It was a bit awkward with her balance still off, gaining several pounds in one spot in one day had thrown her off something fierce lately but she was adjusting...

However she settled there, with no intention of leaving this time. Instead she kept speaking reassurances, true feelings on her part in her soft voice. "I am going to be your wife very soon and have your son. You are building a family of your own now, and we will both work to keep it safe... Kai, you are allowed to be happy and you are allowed to be sad and you are allowed to hate him with every fiber of your being..."

"Just please do not forget I am here for you, I am your family now too. You are stuck with me forever, there is no escape for you now." It was stupid of her to say something like this, but Lakshmi couldn't help it as she nuzzled his neck. She wasn't letting him go and she wasn't leaving him. It was quite against the rules. Even if that man had reminded Kaimu of what he lost, she would remind him of what he had now...

Kaimu allowed Lakshmi to crawl into his lap, his arms situating around her to where they'd hold her more comfortably now that she'd situated herself. He let his head lean down some, resting on top of her own as she continued to confort him.

He was building a family, and while Tatsu...Haruki, and Shiori, his mother...other even his own father...would never be replaced... He wasn't alone...and he wasn't going to be alone...

Lakshmi would be his wife, and soon they would have a son...

Lakshmi's comment on escaping finally earned a weak laugh, weak...but it wasn't fake.

"I don't...plan on trying to escape...ever..."

Lakshmi almost gave a relieved sigh as Kaimu's arms moved to hold her onto his lap better, pleased he could react to her this much. He was even resting his head on hers, a much better turn of events now. He needed the comfort and so did she at this point, his reactions having startled and thrown off her unshakable cool. He'd laughed though, a true laugh. It was weak and it was barely there but... Kaimu had laughed.

Her hands buried in his hair, playing loosely with the auburn strands as she spoke though this time she allowed her own weakness to show. Her voice was unusually timid, much softer than before. "Good... This goes for you as well, you have to promise not to leave either... And, Kai...? You listened to me... Thank you, for not... For back there, not making me choose."

She was shinigami and doctor... It would have killed her to choose what... to do... If he had asked it of her though, she would have.

"I don't plan on it..." His responses were still slow, but his answer to Lakshmi regarding him making the same promise of not leaving was given a bit more quickly, even if he was still talking slowly.

He wasn't going anywhere...

"Don't...ever worry about that... I'm...I'm not him..." He wasn't going anywhere, he wasn't going to leave... He wanted to be with his family more than anything...no matter what he wasn't going anywhere...

...

"It was...painful...when you said that..." He wouldn't lie... "but...I can't...and won't...make you choose..."

As badly as it hurt... He wasn't...couldn't make her do that...

"...Thank you..." Lakshmi couldn't deny that at times she worried, worried that her choices were wrong. It was less a lack of faith in Kaimu and more a lack of faith in her decisions and luck at this point. He had promised not to go and she would hold it to him. He was so sure of it, the faster response was definitely telling even with his slow responses.

"I know... I know..." Her voice was pained now as her hands clenched lightly in his hair, tears leaking from her tightly shut eyes. That...having to say that, remind him of what she was... what she might have to do... What he would be forcing her to disregard and ignore to do that...

What she was 100% positive would have ended with her destroying herself inside to stay by his side, even if it killed all she was... It had hurt him though and she couldn't help feeling more than a bit miserable for that. She knew the instant she had said that, it had hurt and pained him...

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry I hurt you..."

"Welcome..." He wasn't going anywhere, he could promise that with certainty, even when he was like this he could make that promise.

Kaimu was quiet as Lakshmi worked on getting her words out, his own hold squeezing lightly for a moment...he knew it had been hard...and hurt her to say that to him as well...and that she'd hurt him by saying it...

As she continued, he gave a small nudge of his head, an almost nuzzle; "I'm...sorry I had to make you say that..."

He didn't regret his actions towards Tetsui, but he did regret hurting Lakshmi...even if it'd hurt him...hearing that... He wasn't going to make her choose...he wasn't...

Lakshmi let out a soft whimper as Kaimu squeezed her, the only sign of her weakness for a few moments more before she held him all the more tightly herself. He may have been squeezing, but she wouldn't mind his hold getting tighter really... "I would have let you...had you pressed it..."

"It is okay... I think we both are sorry enough to cover for each other's guilt though." Returning the nudge of his head, she felt better admitting that and moved to kiss his neck again. It was the closest part of him she could reach with her mouth and honestly she didn't want to move right now.

They both had done things that hurt the other, that made them react as they had. It had been hard for her to hold in her own reactions though, but knowing he needed that release first. The food for now lay forgotten on the table, her hunger mostly for comfort and reassurance now despite Kaimu having needed it so recently and much more than she.

"...It...wouldn't have been fair to you..." As much as he'd wanted to...even if Lakshmi said she would have allowed it...had he pressed more... It wasn't fair to her, it wouldn't have been...

He wasn't about to make her choose...

As he felt her hold on him tighten, he gave another squeeze, a bit stronger than the last as he nudged his head again. Lakshmi needed comfort right now...she was hurting too, even if he wasn't completely better yet...they could take comfort in each other.

They could sit here like they were...

"We'll...be alright..." They were both sorry enough...right, they'd be alright...

Lakshmi felt her heart swell, he had realized it would have...have hurt her and no matter his own pain and anger had put it aside so that he didn't do that. It was something one did in relationships, but she had had times when others had pushed her...

None of them she had felt what she did for Kaimu, but that didn't mean she hadn't known what it was to feel that horrific pain of choosing.

He returned her hold with a squeeze and that did elicit a small chuckle from her again as she relaxed finally. His words had soothed her entirely and she returned his nudges with more neck kisses. There was one funny thing that came of this... Funny as in ironic and ridiculous and awful, all at the same time.

"...Kai? Promise you will not go on a murderous rampage... I have...something to..." Maybe they needed a bit of levity right now? Though would this... make him more upset? Lakshmi regretted her words immediately and clammed up.

A chuckle... Lakshmi was relaxing, he could tell, and he was relieved to feel her doing so. They were both tense and upset right now...relaxing was the best option for them, to just relax and take comfort from one another.

A small kiss was given to the top of her head upon feeling more neck kisses, though he rose a brow as she began talking.

Promise her he wouldn't go on a murderous rampage...?

"Hn? What is it...?" His tone wasn't angry, or upset, just curious sounding as always when he wanted to hear more.

Lakshmi's hands moved up, loosening her hold on him but allowing her to play with his hair. Removing the hair tie, she began gently teasing it as she liked though she hadn't moved at all away from him. He could hold her close and do all that work, she would attempt to comfort and relax him more now as well.

The kiss was given a weak laugh in response, Lakshmi instead nuzzling his neck for a moment while he spoke.

He seemed relaxed, but it would be more awkward to not speak of it now... Besides, he might get upset pressing her to explain due to well... It coming out as something important. It wasn't important though and she sighed.

"A-Aha...Well you see, before you...came over? I believe he was... hitting on me or attempting to put out feelers for my interest in him." He had been treating her like an attractive woman, wanting her attention it seemed even if she couldn't have been entirely sure. "It...is kind of weird...and ironic really..."

This was what could send the man on a murderous rampage...

Lakshmi was laughing, but Kaimu was quiet in his subtle curiosity as to what she wanted to say. She seemed almost to be stalling as she attempted to speak... Hn...?

Before he'd come over...?

She believed Tetsui had been...

...

"L...Lak-tan, if the man winds up...missing in the next few weeks... It wasn't me." Well, he'd used the typical nickname, so maybe she'd catch the drift he wasn't...one-hundred percent serious? Not entirely...

Lakshmi waited for Kaimu's reply, pleasantly surprised to hear her nickname before he... ruined it really. With that tone... and how he had been... She was a bit worried, yes. That worry shone in her tone as she spoke, though there was a faint hint of her usual amusement in it. "...You saying that does not inspire confidence in me, or assure me of your innocence."

"I suppose I should be flattered that someone felt me attractive enough while pregnant to hit on... But he was so old." She sighed, laying her head on his shoulder fully, allowing her usual teasing to run free for a few moments. "Overconfident old men are usually impotent. Even pregnant I doubt such a person could satisfy me in the least, let alone manage to keep up with me."

Well...this was a major insult and jab at the man and would hopefully put Kaimu on a better track than planning out a murder.

"Fuuuu...but I'm saying it wouldn't be me, it's the Rukon, so anyone can end up missing or dead...easy...so...I shouldn't be the first person you look at if he happens to wind up missing..."

Yes, it was normal. People died in the Rukon every day...

He shouldn't be suspected due to it being a normal every day happening.

Heh...old though, yes...considering the man was still alive, he would be quite old. He was an old man, and would die one. Maybe he could skip reincarnation when he bit the dust? Maybe just never reincarnate and be stuck as a speckle of spirit dust or whatever for all eternity? Never to return~?

That seemed really nice....

"He'd break a hip trying to keep up."